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Sharks Gameday: Keep Your Head Up, Donald

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Donald doesn't know anything, part five million.

Christian Petersen

I need to talk to you guys about my co-worker Donald.


Donald doesn't like hockey, but since we have been working together he has made a valiant effort to try and pay more attention to it so that we can talk about a sport. God knows I'm not going to follow basketball, his favorite sport, so I suppose this is a nice gesture on his part. In theory, anyway.

In reality, Donald following hockey has turned out to be a seriously double-edged sword. Because, you see, Donald is a man who enjoys having OPINIONS!!!

Donald thinks hockey would be way better if it didn't have hitting, for example.

I've spoken about this before on Battle of California. It's a long-standing argument between the two of us, and it's unbelievably infuriating.

Here are some of the things Donald has said:

1. Hockey would be better if it didn't have hitting.

2. Basketball is better because it doesn't have hitting.

3. Hitting is dumb and requires no skill, so it makes hockey worse.

4. Hitting is totally unnecessary so hockey should just get rid of it.

5. The point of hockey is to score goals. Since hitting doesn't do anything but interfere with that goal, it should logically be removed.

6. Hitting is easy and anyone can do it. It's not athletic.

7. Removing hitting from hockey would NOT be like turning the NFL into flag football (which was one of my many, many counter-arguments) because hitting is necessary in football to play defense, and without it football becomes a completely different game. This is NOT the case with hockey.

If you're anything like me, you're probably pretty pissed off by now. You might also be mad at ME, because you can probably think of a dozen great rebuttals for every one of Donald's dumb "points," and you might be wondering why I didn't just say one of those things to explain to him why he's wrong and dumb and smelly.

Well don't worry, I DID say all the things you're thinking of. We've argued about this point for, cumulatively, at least twelve full hours. I am a very patient man, and I have explained to Donald, over and over again, why hitting is essential for the NHL as it now is. I've told him a thousand times that hockey without hitting isn't the same. I've also said, quite bluntly, that since he doesn't even watch or like hockey I don't really care what HE thinks the sport could do to improve.

I've also called him a moron more than once.

It doesn't matter. Nothing ever changes his mind. He's just stands there grinning like a big dumb basketball-loving brick wall.

I guess in this simile the brick wall also has a grin on it or something. I don't know. Donald makes me too mad to write properly.

Anyways, Donald sucks and hitting rules. Here are some awesome videos of Sharks hitting dudes. Enjoy!

Awesome. Man, Donald is DUMB.

Next Game

Phoenix Coyotes
@ San Jose Sharks

Saturday, Oct 5, 2013, 7:30 PM PDT
HP Pavilion

Complete Coverage >

The Sharks play the Coyotes tonight. It will probably be great and involve lots of hitting.

Game one for the Sharks was just about as great as anyone could have hoped. All the big guns played well and, even more importantly, the team got production from young players. Tomas Hertl looked totally at home on that top line with Joe Thornton and Brent Burns, and I feel like an absolute genius for drafting that entire line in fantasy hockey.

Also I thought the new jerseys looked really great on TV, so that's another plus.


via Sean Gentille.

This season looks like it might be a lot of fun.

Prediction: The Sharks have fun, the Coyotes don't. Hertl scores a hat trick and marries SJ Sharkie in a lovely ceremony at center ice after the game.

Today's video game in my countdown of my favorites is the EA Sports NHL series (I'm grouping series together in my countdown). It's been the best and only choice for quality hockey games ever since Mutant League Hockey went off the market, and if you don't know what that game has to do with today's post then you probably have an ad-blocking program installed, you monster.

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