Friday, Nov 15, 2013, 4:00 PM PST
The New Jersey Devils have thirteen players over thirty years old. They have six players that are thirty-five or older. Martin Brodeur and Jaromir Jagr are older than time itself. People I didn't know that are old as hell: Marek Zidlicky is 36. Peter Harrold is 30. Stephen Gionta is 30. Bryce Salvador is 37. JerMeansWell is 30. Look at these old fucks.
They're old is what I'm saying. Meanwhile the Kings are young and not anywhere near as close to death as the Devils are. Patrick Elias missed time because he had a cold, which for the elderly is a huge risk. Renowned shitsucker, Ryane Clowe, missed time because he is going senile. Damian Brunner meanwhile was out due to some "nagging stuff". I can only assume it was Brodeur asking why he never called anymore and complaining about the nursing staff stealing from him. The Devils do have one guy that is younger. Former King, Andrei Loktionov! He can line up for faceoffs against Linden Vey, and try and play through the tears. Speaking of which...
Manchester! Tanner Pearson, tying goal. Tyler Toffoli, game winning goal. Linden Vey, assisting on both. Worried about that salary cap space in the future? Not any more. Those three kids are the wave of the future. Get the fuck with the times, grandma. Nobody cares about that boring old Anze Kopitar anymore. It's Monarch time! Barring of course that they get traded for Jarome Iginila. Martin Jones better get the start tonight since the Monarch kids are Jesus on Ice (coming to a town near you!).
As for the Devils...they have fallen on hard times after reaching the Finals back in 2012. The year before they reached the Finals was pretty ugly too. So yeah, a game the Kings should win.
Prediction: The Kings don't win.
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