Many years ago, a group of hockey pilgrims called the Sharks settled in California. They managed to thrive thanks to the assistance of the local natives, who called themselves the Kings.
My goodness, this place sure is beautiful. California, huh? That's just super.
Thanks so much for all your help unloading the boats and everything, you guys. You really are just the friendliest bunch of natives in the world, aren't you? And what did you call yourselves again? The "King" tribe? Hah, how silly. That just won't do at all. We're going to call you Indians. Okay? Great.
So, Indians...we need to talk about some stuff. We think you've done a great job taking care of this place. We really do. But you've been here since when? 1967? And...well...to be honest, your accomplishments just aren't all that impressive. I mean, just a single Stanley Cup? And that was just a couple of years ago! Jesus, what took you so long?
I guess maybe I'm not being fair. Winning the Cup is hard. I'm sure you guys have a bunch of division championships and stuff over the decades to be proud of, right?
What?! ONE?! You've won your division ONCE?
Oh man, this is worse than I thought. Yeah, you guys have got to go.
Sorry folks, but this is the way it has to be. You just haven't been using this wonderful place to its full potential. I mean come ON. Me and the boys have barely been here for five minutes and we've already won the division six times!
Really, you should be ashamed of yourselves. Wasting all this time, squandering all the resources California has to offer...it's a crime, is what it is.
So, yeah, we're going to need you to pack your stuff and clear on out of here.
Don't make a fuss. It's better this way, really. We'll give California the hockey it deserves.
Just as soon as you get the hell out.
Hark! Do you hear that joyful noise? The children of our village have written a song dedicated to our new friends the Indians. They're singing it now:
Beautiful, isn't it?
Wednesday, Nov 27, 2013, 7:30 PM PST
Prediction: Sharks beat the stuffing out of the Kings and their wiener nerd goalie. I am as thankful as all hell about it.
Video Gamery: Puzzle Quest! It has nothing to do with pilgrims, and honestly looks like a terrible game if you don't know what's going on, but it's insanely addictive and has a huge amount of strategic depth.