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Ducks Gameday: Breaking Duck

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Five reasons Twilight is a better series than 50 Shades of Grey. Also, if there's time, five reasons the Ducks are better than the Sharks.

One bite and you'll start to regress.
One bite and you'll start to regress.

As you have hopefully noticed by now, we here at Battle of California like to do something special for gamedays between two California teams. Normally, the two writers for the opposing teams work together to come up with a fun or funny showdown between two rival things we can use to theme our gameday posts.

This time, however, our Ducks writer Jer is on vacation...so I got to pick the theme for the gameday posts AND write both sides!

Life sure is sweet sometimes.

5 Reasons Twilight is a better series than 50 Shades of Grey

#5 Twilight was the original.

50 Shades of Grey started as a piece of Twilight fan fiction that mutated and swelled like a tumor until it became the horrible thing it is today. If it wasn't for Twilight's massive popularity and success, there would be no 50 Shades.

#4 50 Shades is sexist.

The main male character in 50 Shades, Christian Grey, is basically a shallow female fantasy of what a man "should" be. He's super-rich and ultra-powerful, but he's also fucked up and needs to be "healed." The character sets harmful and unrealistic standards for men.

#3 Christian Grey has red hair but nobody will admit it.

The book describes him as having "copper-colored hair" but you're not fooling anyone, Chris. You're a ginger.

#2 Twilight has cool monsters and killings and stuff.

Even if you don't like romance there is stuff to enjoy in the Twilight books. Vampires fight werewolves and other vampires and people get killed all the damn time. Maybe someone should write a version of 50 Shades in which Christian Grey is actually a werewolf, because that would be way better.

Oh wait my bad there are already dozens of books like that.

#1 50 Shades encourages people to have sex.

Sex is dangerous and gross and nobody should be having it. The best thing about Twilight is the strong theme running throughout the series that sex is an awful and threatening thing and if you have it there is a very good chance you will die.


Next Game

Anaheim Ducks
@ San Jose Sharks

Saturday, Nov 30, 2013, 7:30 PM PST
HP Pavilion

Complete Coverage >


5 Reasons the Ducks are Better than the Sharks

#5 Oops I'm out of time

Fuck you Jer.

Prediction: Sharks win! Wooooooooo!