Because of sadness, I constantly get to be that jerk that returns food at restaurants. I dislike, or am a bit allergic to, many of the common burrito ingredients (cheese, guacamole, happiness, sour cream, chef spit). Accordingly, I tend to stick to the same burrito purveyors that get used to filling my orders. Occasionally, I try somewhere new to see if it makes my burrito farts smell different. The resulting experience of navigating social niceties while correcting someone responsible for preparing your joy is an awkward and frustrating experience. However, because I
love you all like you all occasionally don't hate you am bored, I decided to share the experience with you! Each of these burritos will first be the wrong order, followed by the correct one!
November 23rd-November 30th: Three Week Old Burrito (a.k.a. the Dunn Dumpster Special)
bezzerkker reacts to Earl Sleek's return
This new guy sucks.
...oh. That's not what you ordered? I mean, it's a perfectly good comment. It's funny because it's the same reaction some had to Jer when he replaced Earl but the roles are swit--oh, I see. You get it, but you wanted the most recommended post from this week, not the best. Fine. No, it's cool. I'll get you the "right" one.
Get'rDunn wishes that he and JJ experienced some togetherness
I’ve been fortunate enough to see homeless people shifting through the garbage outside one of those fine restaurants
Damn dude, you should of said something, we could have hung out
Disclaimer: When I named this the Dunn Dumpster Special, I didn't actually expect Dunn to win it. He even beat out all of the posts wishing Spade a happy birthday. Enjoy your burrito, you spotlight-stealing wonder hobo; you deserve it.
December 1st-December 7th: Questionable Leftovers
bezzerkker follows instructions well
Hey Blogging Dunn
Twitter Dunn told me to call you an idiot, idiot.by bezzerkker on Dec 7, 2013 | 10:27 AM
Sorry, this burrito only comes with bezzerkker on it. We can scrape it off for you, if you want. What, you're allergic? Please, don't sue us! Here, we'll give you what you want and an extra one for free! (These actually tied with number of recs)
Dan Saraceni knows his rivalries
Other legendary NHL rivalriesDan Saraceni on Dec 3, 2013 | 6:48 AM
and Jesus contributes to scientific discussion
Breakthroughs in science come from happy scientists.by JesusInThePit on Dec 6, 2013 | 7:34 AM
Happy scientists come from California.
December 8-December 15th: Cold, partially uncooked and two days early
A few weeks ago
I would say that Logan Couture had a good chance to be dating Justin Braun’s sister, Eva, but I don’t know now.by bezzerkker on Dec 12, 2013 | 1:44 PM
This is great, right? I mean, it should totally be a green burrito and everything! You know, like at that fast food place that totally shouldn't be doing Mexican food. Yeah, Taco Bell, that's the one. You should all go rec this comment and admire its genius by getting it tattooed on your flesh. Even the hyperlink. Especially the hyperlink.
...You wanted one that actually had recs with it? You should've said so! If you did, why isn't it on the receipt? It is? Fine, we'll get it for you if you just stop being an asshole about it.
bezzerkker gives Megalodon advice on fake SB Nation accounts and cat-handling
The account you made for your cat doesn't even rec your article.
Punish him with more humiliating costumes.by bezzerkker on Dec 10, 2013 | 11:34 AM
Seriously, again? Ugh... just wait 10 minutes we'll get it to you. Just don't come back here.
HiYonKrak knows how to be remembered
Hope this helps:
__________________________by HiYonKrak on Dec 10, 2013 | 9:49 AM
Personally, I would've just replaced the clock tower with a cock tower and called it a day, but HiYonKrak shows us the value of going the extra mile.
Outside Food and Beverages: Burrito from a Strange Land
Sometimes we forget about the people who aren't fortunate enough to get burritos. During the holidays, it's important to remember these lesser humans and show them our generosity, because it makes us look fantastic. So, this week, I'd like to sponsor a burrito to a comment outside of Battle of California. I searched high and low among the third world for a comment worthy of a burrito and found it in this thread. Here it is:
One of us is too soft, the other is too tough. We need a third one who is just right, I guess.
Goldilocks and the Three Jers was my favorite book as a kid.by bezzerkker on Dec 12, 2013 | 7:00 PM
And I'm keeping it, you bastards.