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Sharks Gameday: Chaunukkha (sp?)

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Celebrating the Festival of Lights.

Don't ask Rabbi Sharkie to perform your son's bris.
Don't ask Rabbi Sharkie to perform your son's bris.

Hanukah is the greatest winter holiday in the world.

Christmas? No way. It's been commercialized to death, and has recently become poisoned by politics as well. Should I say Merry Christmas or Happy Holidays? Is Santa white or black? Oh my god, just shut the hell up already.

Ramadan? While I have nothing but respect for the holiday and all those who celebrate it, it doesn't exactly scream FUN, now does it?

Kwanzaa? Come on man, you just made that last one up.

Chanukha is a holiday with roots stemming back more than 2200 years. It commemorates the dedication of the Second Temple in Jerusalem, and has something to do with oil magically lasting longer than it should have, which is sort of the same thing I hope is going on with my car, because that "CHANGE OIL NOW" light has been on for like three months.

Chaunakka rules because of its history, its time-honored traditions, and its steadfast refusal to be intimidated by the vastly more popular holidays of Christmas, Thanksgiving, New Year's Eve, Valentine's Day, Earth Day, and Honda Days.

Hannucah is the San Jose Sharks of holidays because it's been it's always there, year after year, demanding recognition even though it doesn't get to be the number one holiday in the end. Also, Chawnukah and the San Jose Sharks have a roughly equal chance of winning the Stanley Cup this year.

Kwanzaa, on the other hand, is TOTALLY the Los Angeles Kings of holidays. Some random asshole named Martin Jones gets thrown onto the ice and treated like he's some sort of big shot? That's practically the DEFINITION of Kwanzaa.

Take your dumb made-up goalie and cram him up your butts right next to Kwanzaa, Kings.


Next Game

San Jose Sharks
@ Los Angeles Kings

Thursday, Dec 19, 2013, 7:30 PM PST
Staples Center

Complete Coverage >


Prediction: The Sharks win 8-1, thanks to a wondrous miracle bestowed upon them by Yahweh.

Video Gamery: My 48th-favorite video game is Starcraft. I'll leave it up to our readers to decide which of the three races would celebrate which winter holidays.