Sunday, Dec 29, 2013, 7:30 PM PST
2013 was pretty awful. I'd say bring on 2014 and let's start anew, but as I've gotten older I've begun to realize that pretty much every year is always worse than the previous, and as I continue to age I can only imagine this trend will accelerate until it gets to the point that every day is worse than the previous.
So, while not implying that 2014 is going to be any better, here is a list of reasons that 2013 sucked...
The Lockout-Shortened 20
The hockey world started the year off on the wrong foot, setting the tone for everything else to come. When we should have been about halfway through the 2012-13 NHL season, we were just dropping the very first puck of game one on January 19th.
The Harlem Shake Meme
Early 2013 turned a shitty 2012 dance track into an unbearable internet meme that everyone tried to get involved in.
The GOP's Tea Party Holds Government Hostage
Remember when republicans couldn't get their way so they shut down the federal government by refusing to come to the table to work out a budget deal to fund the United States, promising only to resume once a list of demands were met? The whole plan predictably failed (and backfired when there was widespread public condemnation of the temper tantrum), but it was a pretty nauseating part of 2013 none the less. Americans were already pretty sick of our representatives' inability to compromise or get anything done for the sake of the country, but the GOP wanted to make sure to put the final nail in the coffin.
This GIF of Steve Ott Licking Jeff Halpern
2013 gave us this atrocity:
Actually this is good news if you're a racist; it's cool to kill black kids now. Bad news for the rest of us (especially black kids).
When Men's Wearhouse shitcanned their founder, there was no longer anyone left to guarantee that we would like the way we look.
This Post By Dunn Saying Some Place Outside of California Has Good Burritos
It was exposed (again) that the NSA knows a little more about us than we want them to.
In August, tired of correcting idiots who misuse the word "literally," Webster, Macmillan Dictionary, and The Cambridge Dictionary threw in the towel and decided that words can mean whatever the dumbest among us decide they can mean if they're just consistent enough in their misuse.
The Boston Marathon Bombing
It seems like a long time ago now, but this in fact did happen within 2013. It was pretty horrific, and sadly it was just one of many tragedies, attacks, and disasters of 2013...
The Other Tragedies, Attacks, and Disasters of 2013
The Moore, Oklahoma Tornado, Typhoon Haiyan, the at least 8 school shootings/attacks (Taft Union High School shooting, Lone Star College–North Harris, University of Central Florida, Massachusetts Institute of Technology, 2013 Santa Monica shooting, Ronald E. McNair Discover Learning Academy Elementary School shooting, Sparks Middle School Shooting, Arapahoe High School shooting), the LAX Shooting, Asiana Airline jet crash in San Francisco, Chris Dorner's revenge killings and ensuing manhunt, Ariel Castro's kidnapping and rape of three women for a decade, the Navy Yard shooting spree, Yarnell firefighter deaths, Syrian chemical warfare, to name a few. And those are just a fraction of the horrible tragedies that 2013 brought us.
Death of Nelson Mandela
Death is a bummer.
God Damn Red Wings Knock Anaheim Out of the Playoffs
Despite dominating most other teams all god damn year, the Ducks were knocked out of the 2013 Stanley Cup Playoffs by team which would later run scared out of the superior Western Conference for the shelter of a weaker Eastern Conference.
Arrested Development Season 4 A Little Disappointing
It wasn't as awful as it could have been, but it wasn't a great as it should have been.
This game can't be much worse than the rest of 2013 was.
To help commemorate the Ducks' 20th year this season, each gameday I'll be posting a clip of a classic moment from the team's history against that night's opponent. Here is today's...
Here's the Ducks knocking the San Jose Sharks out of the 2009 Stanley Cup Playoffs in 6 games, without breaking a sweat.
Sharks at Ducks Game Highlights 4/27/09 - Round 1, Game 6 - 2009 Stanley Cup Playoffs (via HockeyPacific)