This New Year's Eve the Kings will be partying down in the fecal capital of the world, Dallas. And while they may be ringing in 2014 with Rick Perry's Crappin' New Year's Eve I will actually be watching the rest of the California teams beat the hell out of each other as I get sloshed. It's bound to be a merry time. I myself don't have any resolutions for the new year because I'm already awesome and perfect (outside of my grammar, spelling, hygiene, and career progression), the Kings certainly have a few resolutions as do a few other NHL personalities.
Ben Scrivens: Learn to finally ice skate.
Trevor Lewis: Start shooting from in front of the net.
Kyle Clifford: Draw on eyebrows on a more consistent basis.
Dustin Brown: Actually start kneeing people if that's all you are going to be known for.
Anze Kopitar: Rummage through trashcans during working hours only.
Jarret Stoll: Try to start taking only one offensive zone/faceoff related penalty per game.
Mike Richards: Maybe, just maybe, figure out what the hell he is doing on the ice half of the time.
Colin Fraser: Get on more national highlight reels for getting decked.
Dwight King: Try not to laugh gleefully so much after ripping the trachea out of his victims.
Daniel Carcillo: Stop flinging feces at people during the games when he is scratched.
Willie Mitchell: Save the ecosystem of the Pacific Northwest, one salmon at a time.
Slava Voynov: Learn more swear words.
Robyn Regehr: Never blink ever again.
Alec Martinez: Find a team that will appreciate his hard work and swarthy good looks.
Matt Greene: Shed that extra "e" finally.
Buffalo Sabres: Win six games for the next year.
Brain Hayward: Blow Ryan Getzlaf.
Jeremy Roenick: [Fart]
Tuesday, Dec 31, 2013, 5:00 PM PST
American Airlines Center
I'm done talking about hockey for 2013. Get back to me next year.
Prediction: Fuck off.
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