Circle of Jerks 2: Meg on Dunn

There are no games for California teams on Valentine's Day, probably because California is for lovers. Since we don't want the blog to get rusty without any new articles all day, it's a great time for a second installment of everyone's favorite (?) Battle of California series: Circle of Jerks!

If you missed it the last time we did this, fear not: it's now a blog section, so the posts are easy to find. This time we reverse the order, so that means I'm asking questions to the filthy vagrant I accidentally hired to write about the Kings: Mr. Get R. Dunn.

Question 1. Three Kings players, Quick, Kopitar, and Doughty, are in a building that is rigged to explode, and you can only save one of them. Which do you save and why, and will the team be able to endure without the other two?

Raccoon Jesus. Doughty does all the heavy lifting currently on defense since it's already depleted as hell, but a big two-way center with hands like Kopitar? He's been the team's leading scorer every season since his second year in the league. Voynov doesn't seem content with just pushing Jack Johnson out of the system and is already gunning for top pairing minutes, so that situation will clear itself up. Bernier would be ecstatic. Actually, he probably set the explosives. Kopitar could probably resurrect the other two anyways.

I'd say San Diego. It's a cool city, it's big, and I don't care about any of their other teams (and neither do they for the most part). Also, they'd probably pull enough people out of the Ducks rather petite fan base to where the Ducks would fold. I guess you could put the Seals back in Oakland or something, but nobody lives there and nobody would want to go. Where else would even support a team? Bakersfield? San Bernardino? I'd prefer if contact to these cities was cut off entirely. Though the Truckee Trannies is a real possibility.

3. "Marty Bakerman is on a footbridge above the train tracks. He can see that the train approaching the bridge is out of control, and that it is going to hit five people who are stuck on the track just past the bridge. The only way to stop the train is to drop a heavy weight into its path. The only available heavy enough weight is a (very) fat man, who is also watching the train from the footbridge. Marty can push the fat man onto the track into the path of the train, which will kill him but save the five people already on the track; or he can allow the train to continue on its way, which will mean that the five will die. Should he push the fat man onto the track (1 dead); or allow the train to continue (5 dead)?" (source for this question)

Shove that fat man to his death. You save 5 other people. What was he even doing on that bridge? Doesn't he know he already put everyone at risk testing the integrity of the construction? Plus, with him being overweight he is at risk for all sorts of medical issues like heart complications, diabetes, strokes, liver disease, and limp dick. Hell, he's halfway in his grave already. I just expedited the process. Plus, his family should thank me. I just saved them tons on medical expenses and grocery bills. Or was this just a shot at Dustin Penner?