Circle of Jerks 2: Jer on Meg

Last time we did this, I was stuck asking Dunn questions, and he tried really hard to formulate some stupid thoughts into awful sentences. This time around I'm stuck asking Megalodon questions. At least his answers will be grammatically correct.

1. The Sharks are doing pretty awful right now, and while that's fun for most of us to watch and laugh at, it's probably not an accurate portrayal of their ability this season. What's it going to take for the team to right this ship?

Once the powerplay starts clicking again, the Sharks will win. A team's powerplay just doesn't go from being one of the best in the league for years to completely broken. The bad luck here will pass. Over the long run, the Sharks powerplay will probably convert roughly 15-20% of the time. And an average game will give the Sharks 4 or 5 powerplays That equates to nearly one powerplay goal a game, when everything is working properly. And one goal a game makes a HUGE difference - just look at San Jose's current six game losing streak for proof. Four of those games were decided by one goal, and they only lost the Blackhawks game by two because of an empty-net goal against. Aside from the embarrassment in Columbus (which was a fluke, not something to panic over), all of the Sharks' losses have been as close as can be. In the long run, they'll be just fine. Practicing the powerplay could probably help though, I guess.

Meg's answer is essentially "they need to score more goals." Brilliant insight, jerk.

2. I noticed that on Twitter you're following this account named @RealCarrotFacts. That's weird and I need you to explain it to me.

I'd sooner cut off my own arm than try to dissect the perfect comedic beauty that is @RealCarrotFacts. But if you're confused, the best remedy is to go back to the beginning and read all of the account's tweets in order. That's really the only way to do it. It's like LOST, in that way.

Once you've read all the tweets you won't really understand it any more than you do now, but it will be an enjoyable ride and you'll be glad you did it. It's unlike LOST, in that way.

Your explanation just makes it weirder.

3. Can you take a picture of Chandler with a sock over his head for us?

Sure, here:

Now I know you probably wanted me to put Chandler's head INSIDE the sock, but that would have been too difficult and Chandler wouldn't have liked it. So to make up for failing to deliver on your request, here is the same picture with some Instagram bullshit on it:

Pretty great, huh?

The photos speak for themselves.