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Anaheim Ducks Gameday: Party Like It's 1994

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Ducks @ Kings, Jer commentates on a simulation of what tonight's game might have looked like in 1994.

13-3-1 isn't that bad
13-3-1 isn't that bad

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Anaheim Ducks
@ Los Angeles Kings

Monday, Feb 25, 2013, 7:30 PM PST

Complete Coverage >

It's another BOC gameday as the Ducks take a trip up the freeway to face-off against the Kings. This is the second matchup of the two teams, the first resulting in a 7-4 Ducks victory.

Dunn and I thought it'd be fun to take a trip about 20 years back in time to see just how this same match-up would have played out in 1994. To do this, we looked to the best sports game ever made, NHL 94. We had the game simulate a matchup between the two teams, and I discuss the results below.

Keep in mind, when I first thought this would be a good idea, I forgot all about how the game took into account the actual rosters in 1994 and the ability of each team in the game itself were ranked accordingly.

Fucking Wayne Gretzky.


Here is my commentary on the game, which you can view in its entirety within Dunn's article. We used 5 minute periods, but somehow the total running time of the game is just over 10 minutes. I'm not sure if this is EA's fault, or if it's just that even in 1994 the Kings were manipulating the clock.

1st Period

Countdown Description
4:26 Kings D Rob Blake takes a run at Mighty Ducks goalie Guy Hebert. The dirty little shit doesn't get called, but thankfully fails to net the puck.
3:03 Kings Goal God damn Wayne Gretzky is allowed to skate into the Ducks zone without even be looked at by Ducks defense. Puts one cleanly past a visibly rattled Hebert. Probably still shaking off the cobwebs from Blake's run at him. Kings lead 1-0
2:40 Anatoli Semenov on a breakaway has a beautiful opportunity with Kings goalie Kelly Hrudey way out of position... but somehow misses a wide open net. Kings C Jimmy Carson with some smart defensive work getting in net behind Hrudey.
2:13 OPEN YOUR EYES, REF! An obvious trip on Ducks RW Bob Corkum goes uncalled. This is horseshit.
1:55 Ducks Goal YEEAAAAAAH! A beauty of a pass from Semenov is one-timed by Lonnie Loach right into the back of the net! Stupid Kelly Hrudey didn't see a thing coming! Game is tied 1-1
1:45 Oh man did you see that sick little backhand shot from Ducks Steven King? How did Hrudey stop that?!?
1:37 Anaheim Penalty - Steven King: Goaltender Interference WHAT?!? He barely touched him! Incidental contact! REF YOU SUCK!
1:13 Ah yeah, Semenov has a great short-handed opportunity here with a rush into the Kings' zone...
1:07 Anaheim Penalty - Anatoli Semenov: Goaltender Interference OH COME ON HE WAS PUSHED INTO THE NET! THIS IS UNBELIEVABLE!
0:46 Haha, Bob Corkum got a shot on the Kings' net during LA's 5-on-3. The Kings' Power Play sucks.
0:18 The Kings just went off side three consecutive times, way to piss away your Power Play, idiots. Hahahaah!
0:00 Man the Ducks Penalty Kill looks awesome, and we're right there in the game, tied at 1-1. Keep i up, Anaheim!

2nd Period

Countdown Description
4:34 Haha, Kings still going offside during their dumb Power Plays.
4:04 Ah yeah, Ducks successfully killed off both goaltender interference penalties. Refs can't keep us down!
1:32 Whoa, Kings Jimmy Carson with a breakaway and Hebert comes up with a huge save! Guuuuuuy!
0:45 Kings throw away another great opportunity by going way offside, idiots!
0:38 Alright, Ducks go offside... No big deal, team. It happens sometimes.
0:00 The Ducks are hanging in there, I know they're going to come out in the third on fire. It's time to light it up, boys!

3rd Period

Countdown Description
4:47 Kings Goal NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Alexei Zhitnik is credited with a goal after Ducks D Bill Houlder shoots the god damn puck into his own net WHYYYYYYY
4:37 Okay, whatever. Ducks Tim Sweeney just had a good shot on net, we're getting back in this game. Don't worry about it, Sweeney, the next one goes in.
4:19 GRETZKY IS DENIED! Way to go, Hebert! Guuuuuuy!
3:59 Hahahaha Semenov just knocked Gretzky on his ass!
3:32 Alright, alright... Ducks winning some battles and getting some shots. Working on their comeback.
2:39 Kings Goal Shiiiiiiiiit! Go fucking die, Luc Robitaille.
1:46 Hebert makes a big save against Mike Donnelly. WHERE WERE YOU AGAINST LUC, GUY?
0:52 Alright, looks like we're pulling the goalie for the extra attacker! Let's do this!
0:22 Kings Goal - Empty Net - NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Someone please punch Gretzky in the head.
0:03 Kings Goal OH COME ON! WAS THAT REALLY NECESSARY! Corey Millen?!? C'mon!
0:00 NHL 94 is a joke. Why do people like this stupid game? Screw this.


Predcition: In the real game tonight, Gretzky and Robitaille don't notch a single point.