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Anaheim Ducks Gameday: Selecting a New Pope

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Wild @ Ducks, and Jer talks big papal.


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Friday, Mar 1, 2013, 7:00 PM PST
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Yesterday, the pope stepped down. Tonight will mark the Ducks' very first game in this new popeless world. I don't know how long we'll go without a pope (by my luck they'll have named a new one before this post even goes live), but to speed things along, I'll outline my recommendation for next new pope below.

Now, I'm not catholic, so there's probably a whole list of rules and prerequisites for who can and can not be pope. But I imagine that, with the catholic church having a direct line to God and all that, they're able to get approval from time-to-time to side-step those rules.

I propose the Catholic Church select Luca Sbisa as the next pope.

Qualifications and Benefits of a Pope Sbisa

  • Luca Sbisa was born in Italy, he'll fit right in.
  • Sbisa, unlike Pope Benedict XVI, was never a nazi.
  • Sbisa has 3 assists so far this year in 17 games.
  • There's no evidence to suggest that Sbisa has ever molested a child, this could help with the Church's public relations.
  • Is maybe catholic?
  • Has a TOI/60 of 16.10.
  • His favorite show is It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia.
  • Looks okay in funny hats:
    Dsc_0578_jpg_medium
I'm sure that covers most requirements. Maybe some of our catholic readers can fill us in on anything I missed.

Predictions: With God on his side, Sbisa scores the game winning goal in a 3-2 victory over the Wild.