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San Jose Sharks Gameday: Dead Men Tell No Tales

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It's time to keelhaul the Ducks, me hearties.

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A pirate's life for me!
A pirate's life for me!



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San Jose Sharks
@ Anaheim Ducks

Monday, Mar 25, 2013, 7:00 PM PDT
Honda Center

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Arrrrrrrrrrrrrr!

Ahoy, mates, and welcome to today's Sharks gameday. That scurvy scallywag peg-arm Jer and I concocted a scheme to write our gameday posts today, as his filthy bilge-sucking Ducks take on our heroic buccaneers, the San Jose Sharks. We each thought of a noun at random, and then that noun determined what the other seadog would have to write about. Jer thought of pirates, so pirates it shall be! Weigh anchor and hoist the mizzen, mates, we sail for Anaheim! It's time to make the Ducks walk the plank!

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via www.artie.com

Now, unless ye be a landlubber or three sheets to the wind, ye know that the Sharks are in some treacherous waters these days. Wins have been harder to come by than fresh fruit in the middle of the ocean, and half the roster is sick with scurvy. 'Tis a bleak time indeed! But fear not, me lads, we aren't scuttled yet. As long as we have a few good cannons and a single strong sail, our ship will sail on!

The Sharks cross cutlasses with the Ducks tonight and again on Wednesday, and two victories over "one of the best teams in the NHL" would be a perfect way to get our mates heading in the right direction. So open fire as soon as you see that stupid "D" logo, Sharks. Cut Corey Perry down to his brisket. Send Jonas Hiller (or that Fasth guy, they both suck these days) down to Davy Jones' locker. Take no prisoners, and there shall be booty aplenty for us all!

Prediction: The Ducks be nothin' but Shark bait! Arrrrrrrrr!

Today's book is American Gods, which doesn't have any pirates in it, but in the spirit of today's gameday post here are some of my favorite pirate-themed books:

#1 Treasure Island - A classic for a reason, you can download it for free to your eBook reader or your smartphone because it's old, but my recommended way to experience this one is to find a quality audio version with a guy who does pirate voices.

# 2 The Sea Wolf - A lesser-known Jack London work, for the first two-thirds this book is an amazing pirate tale, and then the protagonist leaves the ship and the end of the book sucks balls. But the first part is REALLY good!

# 3 The Walrus and The Warwolf - This book is...insane. In the best possible way. If you like fantasy, sci-fi, or adventure stories, it's worth a look.

I'll leave you with the song that sits at the intersection of "nerd pirate culture" and "Battle of California potty humor." Enjoy!