Los Angeles Kings Gameday: What the Kings Need to do to Win

Keys to the series:

Don't fucking lose.

You don't want to lose to a city named after a French guy do you? How unAmerican is that? That fucker also was a self-described "lieutenant of God on Earth", who led crusades. Sounds cool, right? WRONG. Many died so he could be a "soldier of God", which is code for killing for fun. You know who else thought that? Saddam. Ol' Saint Louie also expanded the Inquisition in France to include Jews for...inquiring, who he hated quite passionately. So he was basically Pat Robertson with a splash of Hitler. I'm pretty sure this makes the Kings defenders of the Constitution and protectors of world wide freedom. It also makes the Texas Rangers (who let the St. Louis Cardinals win the World Series) complete failures, which we already knew because, well, it's Texas. Don't fuck this up Kings. Do it for the kids. Do it for peace and freedom. Most of all, do it for me.

Many years later, the Blues would continue Saint Louis' tradition of getting whipped

At the time of writing this, Darryl Sutter seems content at the moment to roll with the mashed up line combos that were seen in the last couple of games with the Red Wings and Sharks, except with Mr. Elbows of Death back in the lineup. Kyle Clifford looks like he is set to the be the top line's left winger, which I'm not huge on, but he's been one guy scoring regularly, so sure, whatever. The season just did one full loop there.

Tyler Toffoli looks like a healthy scratch, though frankly I'd love to see him in the lineup instead of Jordan Nolan, who is better served just punching fucking faces in. Robyn Regehr, unfortunately, is still playing by the looks of things. The Kings' defense wasn't what it was compared to last year (no Matt Greene, Regehr instead of Willie Mitchell) while the Blues are pretty much the same, though now a bit more expensive with Jay Bouwmeester.

Over the course of the season the Kings were up and down pretty regularly, though they never lost more than two games in a row after losing their first three games to start the year. They had a few extra terrible performances thrown in at times, but even during their torrid march through the playoffs last year they had a few clunkers. i.e. win three, drop one, rinse and repeat. If Jonathan Quick catches fire like he did last year, it could seem likely that the Kings have a good run again. Unless Regehr fucks it all up for us.

Prediction: Kings win 4-3 with two goals by Brown, including the game winner. Then he elbows Kevin Shattenkirk in the head while celebrating.

Me: 14

St. Louis Game Time: 0

Tsk tsk tsk. I'm sure this will change promptly after Elliott gets beat with a wrister from the point. How are the rest of you degenerates doing? Judging by my last post, pretty gosh darn good. Except...