A Day in the Life of Marc-Andre Fleury

Tonight the Pittsburgh Penguins play game three of their series against the Boston Bruins. The Penguins are already down 2-0 and haven't even played a road game in the series yet. It's not looking good for Pittsburgh, and a certain segment of Penguins fans know exactly what the problem is:

Dance with who brought u. Flury should have earned it mon RT @markmaddenx: I would start Fleury. Dan is starting Vokoun. It had better work.

— ADAMSKASIK (@ADAMSKASIK) June 5, 2013

I honestly think Marc Andre Fleury should start for the #Pens like I swear he's their franchise goaltender #tenderproblems

— Joseph Lopez (@_TheLopez) June 5, 2013

@penguins looks like pens will be down 3 then, need to start fleury

— Brooke Wilson (@Blwilson11) June 5, 2013

I'm sorry but there's no reason to start Vokoun again he's done his job getting us to this part but honestly time to go back to Fleury!

— Matt Lastominsky (@King_of_Pgh2132) June 5, 2013

That's right! The Penguins would have already won this damn series if they had been smart enough to start their STANLEY CUP WINNING, GOLD MEDALIST, PROVEN PLAYOFF PERFORMER GOALIE, Marc-Andre Fleury!

But they aren't going to start him in game three, so they'll probably lose the game and the series. It's a damn shame.

Since Fleury and the rest of the Penguins will soon be facing the bleak and bitter off-season, it's a good time to take a look at how an all-star goaltender spends his summer days off from hockey.

AN OFF-SEASON DAY IN THE LIFE OF MARC-ANDRE FLEURY

6:00 AM: Fleury's alarm clock goes off. Fleury reaches over to hit the snooze button. It takes him eleven tries before he is successful.

7:00 AM: Fleury gets up and takes a shower. Somehow, every single drop of water gets past his body and ends up behind him. He emerges after ten minutes, perfectly dry.

7:15 AM: Fleury takes two minutes to brush his teeth. He gives up three goals during this time.

7:45 AM: Fleury eats breakfast, a bowl of Cheerios. He imagines the Cheerios are tiny little hockey pucks, and feels pretty good about how few of them end up flying past him.

8:00 AM: Fleury asks his wife to toss him the car keys. She does, and the keys somehow hit Fleury in the back of the head.

8:30 AM: Fleury arrives at his off-season job as head of border security between the United States and Mexico.

12:05 PM: While on his lunch break, Fleury checks the balance of his bank account. He is once again frustrated by his inability to save more.

12:15 PM: Fleury visits the Burger King drive-thru. The cashier hands him his food, which Fleury immediately drops onto the ground.

12:30 PM: Fleury steers his car into on-coming traffic, hoping to end his life. Every single car ends up missing him.

1:36 PM: Fleury gets mad when his coworkers make fun of him for wearing his gold medal every day.

3:00 PM: Fleury goes home early.

4:55 PM: Fleury practices playing goalie.

4:57 PM: Dinner time!

5:30 PM: Fleury attempts to relax by playing some Skyrim on his XBOX, only to find that the last time he played he forgot to save.

5:31 PM: Fleury throws the XBOX controller at the television. The controller somehow hits him in the back of the head.

5:35 PM: Fleury goes to the garage, pulls out a gun, and again tries to kill himself. All of the bullets miss him and do serious damage to the car behind him.

9:07 PM: Fleury has sex with his wife, but is pulled and replaced by Tomas Vokoun after only a few minutes.

10:45 PM: After a long and exhausting day, Fleury tries to catch some Zs. He misses all of them.