The 5 Funniest Hockey Tweets of the Week: Orthodox Edition

I'll say this one good thing about Pavel Datsyuk coming out of the closet as a homophobe this week: it sure made for some funny Twittering.

Thanks, Pavel!

The Ukranian Hacking Scandal that broke on Sunday also made for some good comedy fodder, but Sundays are usually a bit slower on Twitter in general. Plus all the dumb people were busy tweeting about the VMAs, all the cool smart people were tweeting about Breaking Bad, and all the masochists were tweeting about Dexter, so the hacking thing didn't get quite the play it might have, otherwise.

Here are the five funniest hockey-related Tweets of the past week:

#5

Kind of bewildered by Pavel Datsyuk's comments today. I have no idea what it means to be an orthodox homosexual. Any help?

— Rudy Kelly (@rudykelly) August 22, 2013

An orthodox homosexual would be the only human being on Earth capable of dressing gayer than the Pope.

#4

People have been calling Datsyuk a "wizard" for a long time without realizing he's the kind they have in the KKK.

— Megalodon (@MegalodonBOC) August 22, 2013

Yeah, that's my own Tweet. I really don't want to have to include myself on this list again, so all of you are going to have to work hard to be much funnier, okay?

#3

@MegalodonBOC I'm shocked at this news because I thought Datsyuk really loved the deke. #HomophobeJokes

— Dr. Scientist (@fruitsareedible) August 22, 2013

Dr. Scientist hits it out of the park with this solid pun, and he made it really easy on me by addressing it directly to me on Twitter. Thanks, doc!

#2

Following up on the previously noted "hack" job. I have it on good authority it was "an internal glitch". Bang goes the conspiracy theory.

— Spector's Hockey (@SpectorsHockey) August 25, 2013

I don't normally like to include tweets that are only funny on accident, but this one was too good to pass up. An "internal glitch" deleted all the articles by a specific writer on a specific topic, then somehow glitched its way all around the web, messing with that same author's Twitter account, deleting references to those articles on other sides, and then sending out a bunch of phishing emails to people who helped spread knowledge of the story?

That's some fucking glitch.

#1 -The Fake Dan Ellis Memorial Tweet of the Week!

Hm. Usually you see references to "hockeybuzz" and "pathetic hack" in a different context.

— Down Goes Brown (@DownGoesBrown) August 25, 2013

For the record I would just like to reiterate Battle of California's long-standing pro-Ukraine stance. We have nothing but love and respect for Ukranians and their great and powerful homeland, and hope all Ukranians know that we are their true and everlasting friends.

Please don't hack us.

As always, if you see a funny hockey Tweet during the week and think it deserves a place in the top five, send it to me @MegalodonBOC .