clock menu more-arrow no yes

Filed under:

Offseason BoC Site Analytics: Your Questions Answered

New, 86 comments

Jer combs through our site logs to discover the questions our readers are yearning for the answers to.

A few weeks back, we reviewed our site statistics and logs to determine the number one reason why everyone visits Battle of California. The answer, of course, was hot girls. This week, I went through search terms people enter in to Google and other search engines that lead them to Battle of California and weeded out some of the pressing questions that lead readers to Battle of California.

I don't know why, but many idiots like to ask Google questions, as if the software is designed to sit down and have a chat with them. For example, if one wanted information on Ryan Getzlaf, it seems pretty straight forward to just type in "Ryan Getzlaf" and hit enter. Instead, a surprising amount of people will instead type "Who is Ryan Getzlaf?"

The Internet is hard, so whatever. I'll get over it. But this tendency to ask dumb questions of Google leads to some people stumbling across Battle of California in very interesting ways. They're asking questions that I'm fairly positive in most situations they still don't have answers for after Google sent them our way. So I thought I'd do some of these people a favor, go through our logs, find some of the more interesting questions, and give answers.

Not surprisingly, most of the questions are about which is better between Bud Light and Coors Light, or In-N-Out and Five Guys. Since Battle of California has actually decidedly answered both of those questions already, I'm skipping them entirely.

So here are the questions that our readers are dying to find the answers to. Like last time, only site logs from the start of the offseason until the time of this writing were looked at.

Q: when did okland become a shithole?

A: May 4, 1852

Q: who was the foreign guy in sharknado?

A: Israel Sáez de Miguel

Q: where do las vegas wranglers live?

A: Nevada, you incompetent piece of shit.

Q: who is ovechkins best friend?

A: RGIII

Q: where can i buy lime cucumber gatorade?

A: 7-11.

Q: what is patrick marleau up to?

A: Just hanging out with some friends, chilling.

Q: is LA shit?

A: Well, yes. But living in shit within California is still better than living in any other state.

Q: what drugs are nhl players smoke weed?

A: Yes.

Q: how to smoke crack?

A: For this answer I recommend contacting crack expert and Battle of California founder James Mirtle.

Q: does megalodon really exist?

A: My initial reaction was that of course Meg exists, but to be honest I've never met him and many people just assume Megalodon is Rudy's pseudonym, and that seems pretty plausible.

Q: do you buy dip tobacco for your son?

A: No, you disgusting fucking moron.

Q: do ducks trasmit diseases?

A: Not since Joffrey Lupul left.

Q: will i ever be normal again pelvic floor surgery?

A: I hate to be the one to tell you this, but after having pelvic floor surgery explained to me by Meg, I don't think so.

Q: is it better to live in new york or california?

A: It goes LA/California > New York > Boston

Thank you for letting me answer your questions. Please come back often.