How the San Jose Sharks spent their summer vacations

An excerpt from one of David Pollak's training camp articles:

"There's still the same excitement for me going into each year," Marleau said as San Jose began its three-week run-up to the regular season. "It's another chance to try and have a good season and win the cup."

Beyond that, he added, "it's also nice to see the guys. A lot of guys go their different ways for the summer and everybody comes back and you get to hear how their summers went. It's always exciting for me."

Our good friend Whine Country caught the important part of this quote immediately:

"...everybody comes back and you get to hear how their summers went. It’s always exciting for me." Never change, Patty. Never change.

— Whine Country (@whine_country) September 13, 2013

Well if Patrick Marleau is excited about something it would probably make for a good post on Battle of California, right? I mean, how else would you explain this?

Without further ado...

How the San Jose Sharks Spent Their Summer Vacations

Adam Burish: Being a huge asshole to Doug Wilson and casually mentioning how much he would "totally hate it" if he was traded to the Chicago Blackhawks.

Curt Gogol: Continuing his lengthy and thus-far ineffective legal battle seeking royalties from Google Inc.

Logan Couture: Getting pissed off about how shitty Dexter has become.

Andrew Desjardins: Practicing the proper spelling of his last name.

Tyler Kennedy: Oh yeah, that guy.

Martin Havlat: Undergoing nightmarish surgery and rehabilitation, just like he does every summer.

Antti Niemi: Water-skiing.

Justin Braun: Wind-surfing.

Jason Demers: Fire-walking.

Brad Stuart: Dirt-eating.

Douglas Murray: Remembering every few weeks that he doesn't actually play for the Sharks anymore.

James Sheppard: ATV half-pipe tricks.

Eriah Hayes: What the fuck?

Joe Thornton: Helping his cousin Scott practice for Battle of the Blades.

Joe Pavelski: Helping his cousin Randy move.

Raffi Torres: Don't you watch the news?

Scott Hannan: Oh, right, he's on the Sharks again. Shit.

Tommy Wingels: Hunting and killing homophobes like a fucking hero.

Mirco Mueller: Playing with Mirco Machines and looking at stuff with his mircoscope.

Marc-Edouard Vlasic: Helping ESPN rank the top defensemen in the NHL. Vlasic is notoriously humble, by the way.

Dan Boyle: Bathing in the blood of young victims in order to preserve his youth.

Tomas Hertl: Learning important English phrases like "California is my dream," and "I like California," and "Please do not send me back to the Czech Republic where it is cold and horrible and there are many scorpions."

Brent Burns: Fucking snakes.

Bracken Kearns: Living in a god damn swamp, probably, if his picture is anything to go by:

Patrick Marleau: Attempting to beat his personal laundry-related records for speed and cleanliness.

Matt Irwin: Isn't he the Crocodile Hunter? I thought he got killed by a blowfish or something.

Well, that WAS exciting! Marleau was totally right! I hope our boys are able to leave all their fun summer activities behind them, because it's almost Hockey Time™!