The 5 Funniest Hockey Tweets of the Week: Labor Day Edition

I take Labor Day very seriously, so I'm not going to do one single extra bit of work on this post.

Here are the five funniest hockey-related Tweets of the past week:

#5

If the eastern conference is so much worse than the west, then how come a team from the east always makes it to the Stanley Cups final

— Dr. Ninja Blastowski (@theninjagreg) August 30, 2013

Calling it the "Stanley Cups final" reminds me of that old Onion article about William Safire ordering two Whoppers Junior.

#4

"I'm not looking for da best players, I'm looking for da right ones!" *finish 6th in Sochi

— Rudy Kelly (@rudykelly) August 27, 2013

Rudy never gets very many retweets on his stuff, so maybe he isn't really as funny as I think he is.

He and I share a very special relationship.

#3

The bottom of the standings? RT @mirtle: Ducks GM Bob Murray: "We are so pleased that Teemu will end his career where he belongs."

— Winging It In Motown (@wingingitmotown) August 30, 2013

Uber-dork Winging It returns to the top five after a blissful absence last week. Congrats, loser!

#2

Ilya Kovalchuk is a man that knows and understands the ins and outs of commitment. Please Ilya, tell me who I can and can not marry.

— Kristin (@K_Tullo) August 26, 2013

Homophobic Russian hockey players have been a big boon for hockey Twitter comedy this off-season.

#1 -The Fake Dan Ellis Memorial Tweet of the Week!

What’s getting lost is that whether you are engaging in Gay or Straight sexual relations… Ilya Kovalchuk supports your right to pull-out.

— The Royal Half (@theroyalhalf) August 26, 2013

This was basically the same joke as the previous one, but it earned a few extra points with me for being sexy.

Also, this Tweet isn't really about hockey so it doesn't count as an official Funny Five selection, but I thought it was great and Kid Ish told me to include it, so here you go:

lol @ Americans who watch soccer THEY'RE NOT GONNA ACCEPT YOU IN EUROPE WHEN U VISIT, YOU'RE STILL GONNA BE A NERD

— Brian Gaar (@briangaar) August 26, 2013

As always, if you see a funny hockey Tweet during the week and think it deserves a place in the top five, send it to me @MegalodonBOC .