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Who Will Be the Backup Goon?

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Marshmallow-Man fights galore

They grow up so fast
They grow up so fast
John E. Sokolowski-USA TODAY Spo


I was sad to see Jonathan Bernier get traded this summer. It was pretty much a necessary move. The Kings had to move some salary and try and get something of a return, and Matt Frattin and Ben Scrivens are immediate additions to the Kings roster's weak points. But there is quite the position battle happening during this preseason. I don't mean the defensive logjam, or the depth on the left wing. I mean to be the backup goalie, which Bernier proved to be a demanding gig. Fights are the most important statistic for a goalie after all, which is why I always was the league leader in them amongst goalies when I played. Shutouts? Saves? Wins? All just fluff so the nerds have something to talk about. Interesting to note is that this fight Bernier had has to boost Mathieu Garon's chances to land with the Kings. Those French-Canadians are tough sons of guns. When did Scrivens last fight? With his locker in high school when he couldn't open it?

Thus we have the determiner for who will be the Kings guy that sits on the bench 65 games of the year modeling a baseball hat while Jonathan Quick plays. Who is the better fighter? And should the Kings just try and snag Tim Thomas away from the Panthers, who will probably shoot anyone that skates near his crease? Florida may have the upper-hand in that case, what with the "stand your ground" law. P.K. Subban should be careful and avoid all Skittles and/or hoodies during those road games to Sunrise, FL. Anyways, about that Scrivens guy


Okay fine, so I stand corrected about his last skirmish. Here he is trying to get all Chief from One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest. I'm sure he also would boast about his outstanding winning percentage on Battlebots with Tazbot. As for Garon's fight record:


This is the closest thing I have found for Garon. He gets ran into by Eric Godard, then flails at him. It's pretty similar to using "splash" with a Magikarp. Now, you may be saying, "Hey Dunn, you fuckmoose, Quick's never been in a fight either. He must suck as much as you do." Nice try. Jonathan Quick, when he's not provoking people with his asshole behavior, has proxy fights follow him wherever he goes.


Who's your choice to be the enforcer off the bench?