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Potty Mouths 2014: The SB Nation Hockey Blog Profanity Rankings

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Checking in one year later to see who offended the most grandmas.

Joel Auerbach

What a year it has been!

One year ago we were in the final days of the most recent lockout. We were all torn between excitement that we were finally going to see NHL hockey again and bitter anger at the owners and players (but mostly the owners) for putting us through months of misery.

One year ago we didn't yet know that the Blackhawks would win the Cup, that we would see a hilarious first-round sweep involving the Sharks on the WINNING side for a change, or that the United States government would cease to function even on its most basic, pathetic, charade-like levels.

And one year ago I published a post looking at how many times the various SB Nation NHL blogs had written the word "fuck" at least once in articles.

365 days later, most of which have been filled with hockey, where do we stand?

Team Blog Articles with "fuck" in the past year Total "fuck" articles as of last year Total "fuck" articles today
Florida Panthers Litter Box Cats 0 0 0
Dallas Stars Defending Big D 0 0 0
New Jersey Devils In Lou We Trust 0 1 1
Carolina Hurricanes Canes Country 0 1 1
Columbus Blue Jackets The Cannon 0 2 2
Nashville Predators On the Forecheck 0 2 2
Phoenix Coyotes Five for Howling 0 7 7
Washington Capitals Japers' Rink 1 0 1
Pittsburgh Penguins Pensburgh 1 0 1
Tampa Bay Lightning Raw Charge 1 5 6
Buffalo Sabres Die By The Blade 1 5 6
New York Rangers Blueshirt Banter 3 2 5
Calgary Flames Matchsticks and Gasoline 3 26 29
New York Islanders Lighthouse Hockey 4 2 6
Winnipeg Jets Arctic Ice Hockey 4 10 14
Anaheim Ducks Anaheim Calling 6 6 12
Ottawa Senators Silver Seven 9 7 16
Los Angeles Kings Jewels from the Crown 9 35 44
Edmonton Oilers Copper and Blue 10 43 53
Philadelphia Flyers Broadstreet Hockey 11 30 41
Chicago Blackhawks Second City Hockey 18 397 415
Minnesota Wild Hockey Wilderness 28 33 61
San Jose Sharks Fear the Fin 28 43 71
Toronto Maple Leafs Pension Plan Puppets 35 145 180
Montreal Canadiens Eyes on the Prize 41 29 70
Detroit Red Wings Winging it in Motown 52 50 102
Vancouver Canucks Nucks Misconduct 69 413 482
Colorado Avalanche Mile High Hockey 70 132 202
Boston Bruins Stanley Cup of Chowder 76 3 79
California Battle of California 148 612 760
St. Louis Blues St. Louis Game Time 185 746 931

Some notes...

St. Louis Game Time: These fuckers. They repeated as swearing champs, coming in at first-overall for the past year and padding their overall "fuck" lead.

Battle of California: Best state, best hockey teams, second-best at saying the word "fuck" in articles. I can live with it, but I'm not happy about it.

Pension Plan Puppets: As we discussed last year, I don't give a shit about how often your commenters swear, so please don't bother bringing it up.

Stanley Cup of Chowder: Wow guys. I guess Cornelius wasn't bullshitting last year when he said that my post made him self-conscious about how often he said "fuck." Stanley Cup of Chowder went from 3 fucks to 79 in a single year, for the biggest movement up this list by a landslide. It's almost as if the writers actually had a meeting in which they PLANNED to say "fuck" more often, which is either really cool or totally pathetic, I'm not sure which.

Pensburgh: Pensburgh's first and only article containing a "fuck" was in this post, which was an interview with Cornelius from Stanley Cup of Chowder. He was talking about the Marathon Bombing when he said it, and full credit goes to the editors of Pensburgh for leaving it uncensored.

Nucks Misconduct: Though they weren't among the top blogs over the past year, they are in no danger of losing their third-place spot overall, as the blog behind them in fourth, Second City Hockey, saw a dramatic drop-off in f-bombs this year. Third place is probably a comfortable place to be for a bunch of Canucks fans, right?

On the Forecheck and Others: As we discovered last year, some of these "fucks" are false positives, as the search function is finding "fucks" in the URLs of pieces blogs linked to, such as when On the Forecheck linked to an article from Vice.

Winging it in Motown: These guys more than doubled their total "fucks," which makes sense since all that takes is one f-bomb per groin pull.

Litter Box Cats and Defending Big D: These are the only two blogs who still haven't ever recorded a "fuck" of any kind, even in a linked-to URL. Come on guys. Grow up!

See you next year, folks!

Sharks Gameday

Next Game

San Jose Sharks
@ Florida Panthers

Thursday, Jan 16, 2014, 4:30 PM PST
BB&T Center

Complete Coverage >

Prediction: I remained stunned that people can write about the Florida Panthers day after day and never once say the word "fuck."

Video Gamery: My 35th-favorite video game is the adventure series Syberia. I definitely said "fuck" all the time while trying to figure out the puzzles.