Kings Gameday: Someone Upset Grandpa

So. Last game. Yeah. Hmm. What to talk about...

Oh! Peter Gammons, who's some old baseball writer, says hockey is a minor league sport.

I'd have to agree with Gammons actually. The fact a whole crew of officials couldn't track the puck out of play and let that ridiculous goal call stand was absolutely embarrassing. Baseball has expanded replay, and even without it their umpiring crews could have seen that puck hit the net. Those refs really gave the NHL a black eye, and it's clear that anyone who sees that play will just assume the league is completely incompetent. It's pathetic that something like that happened and-

What? He meant the Vancouver-Calgary opening line brawl? Oh. Well, count on Canada to ruin the sport of hockey, I guess. Wait, what am I talking about? FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT.

Get with the times, old man. This is the age we live in, and you better get on board before your old wrinkled ass gets ran over, put in the ground, and forgotten. "Peter who?" they'll ask. "Peter Griffin? Gabriel? Game-ons? Nope, never heard of him," they'll mutter as they proceed to fight each other on ice in front of a statue dedicated to Tom Sestito. Baseball is likely going to have bare-knuckle fights at the seventh inning stretch, just so they can keep the fans around at all. After that, they'll probably all leave. Luckily, they have arguing calls in baseball being decided by players fighting each other up for a vote with the general managers and owners. It will be nice to see baseball clean up their sport to where it's more aesthetically pleasing.

Jerk-Off 2014

*Sigh* Today we have another team that no one really cares about: The New Jersey Devils. Even though the Kings played them six games in the Finals a few seasons back, the Devils' roster still features a lot of names that aren't important. And it's New Jersey ewwwwwwww. So let's just get this over with before Chris Christie tries to eat us or Bruce Springsteen yells about being born in the U.S.A. Still, there's one jackass on here that is pretty much guaranteed to win.

Ryane Clowe

For a while it seemed like Sharks could never hate their ultimate shitbag, but his scrotum-sucking talents even got to annoy San Jose. Last season he managed to score not one goal for the Sharks, and then when finally traded he scored in his first game with the Rangers. Clowe still has trouble scoring, though being an untalented rat dick can have that effect.

Cam Janssen

Homophobic goon.

Jaromir Jagr

Old.

Martin Brodeur

Old and fat.

Prediction: The Bruins will throw pucks from time to time into the Kings' net before faceoffs, point it out to the refs, have a goal be called on the ice, and the officials will be powerless to change anything. Drew Doughty will go ballistic, strip down, climb the boards, and run naked through the stands. The NHL will finally make a rule to have it be illegal for players to go streaking during games.

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