Kings Gameday: Lord of the Rings

Along with having the Stanley Cup being passed around, having the Cup get pooped out by the Kings' jumbotron, and raising a championship banner, the Kings got some more fun stuff for winning it all. Rings! And look at these beauties!

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Eesh. Okay, so these things aren't exactly the most attractive looking thing. They sort of have a "Rhinestone Cowboy" look going on, but the home plate shape really does not do it any favors. At least the players look happy about them.

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet" lang="en"><p><a href="http://t.co/92nuGJ7q4j">pic.twitter.com/92nuGJ7q4j</a></p>&mdash; Marian Gaborik (@MGaborik12) <a href="https://twitter.com/MGaborik12/status/519346281177968640">October 7, 2014</a></blockquote>
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Look at Gaborik, trying to avoid all physical contact with that rock. I'm surprised the rings didn't come out in the Ark of the Covenant like in Indiana Jones. Marian's dessert looks tasty though. Actually, going back to those boxes...

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet" lang="en"><p>A gift for the 2014 Stanley Cup Champions <a href="http://t.co/hwby0O51gu">pic.twitter.com/hwby0O51gu</a></p>&mdash; LA Kings (@LAKings) <a href="https://twitter.com/LAKings/status/519337519637594112">October 7, 2014</a></blockquote>
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I don't know why the boxes are in the Sharks colors with the teal exterior and black interior. As for wearing the things, there seemed to be some confusion as to which direction they go on.

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet" lang="en"><p>2nd Annual!! <a href="https://twitter.com/hashtag/ftf?src=hash">#ftf</a> <a href="https://twitter.com/LAKings">@LAKings</a> <a href="http://t.co/nXJSrRzxr7">pic.twitter.com/nXJSrRzxr7</a></p>&mdash; Jarret Stoll (@jarretstoll) <a href="https://twitter.com/jarretstoll/status/519369354883137536">October 7, 2014</a></blockquote>
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<blockquote class="twitter-tweet" lang="en"><p><a href="http://t.co/9Q8figMoWN">pic.twitter.com/9Q8figMoWN</a></p>&mdash; trevor lewis (@trevorlewis22) <a href="https://twitter.com/trevorlewis22/status/519349380940562432">October 7, 2014</a></blockquote>
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Coincidentally, Trevor Lewis's hand is all that is left of him after he did that spin move in the opener that ripped time and space apart. At least the rings offered up this great tweet.

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet" lang="en"><p>Thankful for this Big Ol Bear. Werk so I can Twerk. <a href="http://t.co/v3QrnzgIEi">pic.twitter.com/v3QrnzgIEi</a></p>&mdash; Lauren King (@LaurenGKing) <a href="https://twitter.com/LaurenGKing/status/519697714863296513">October 8, 2014</a></blockquote>
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Few things here. One: Dwight King's chest hair. Not nearly as aggressive as I expected. Second: His nick name is Big Ol Bear. Please refer to him as such from here on, thank you.

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Lastly: "Werk so I can twerk". Big Ol Bear's wife is adorable. The Kings' rings also raised one big question. What in the fuck does #YOTMB mean? And why oh why is there damn hashtag on them?

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet" lang="en"><p>I am going with Year of the mascot bailey  <a href="https://twitter.com/hashtag/YOTMB?src=hash">#YOTMB</a> <a href="http://t.co/Zn6W6wCic1">pic.twitter.com/Zn6W6wCic1</a></p>&mdash; Bailey LA Kings (@BaileyLAKings) <a href="https://twitter.com/BaileyLAKings/status/519374589856456704">October 7, 2014</a></blockquote>
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As for last game, the Kings committed the worst sin imaginable. As in, I fell asleep watching them. I was not drunk (seriously!), and I passed out for the last five or so minutes of the second period. Now the Kings go up against their biggest rivals, the Winnipeg Glendale Phoenix Winnipeg Seattle Arizona Coyotes. Trevor Lewis, as mentioned, obliterated himself after violating the laws of physics and performing a deke. Also out is Jake Muzzin, who I can only assume is missing time due to a neck injury from supporting the weight of his eyebrows.

Prediction: Alec Martinez spends the second half of the game paired with Drew Doughty, and I masturbate furiously. Kings lose 2-0.