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Sharks Gameday: Winnipeg's love affair with slurpees

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Winnipeggers have an obsession with not great thngs


So when Winnipeg got a team again, I recall that the first game that I watched of theirs was a Kings-Jets game. As the game went on, Fox Sports West listed a bunch of facts about Winnipeg to familiarize Californians, which was very helpful because I couldn't tell you one damn thing about that place aside from the fact it is a hellscape. There were ten facts, and I can't remember any of them except the number one fact that they are the Slurpee capital of the WORLD. You would think somewhere hot and gross like Barstow, Fresno, etc. would be the Slurpee capital, but no, it's a place that is the home to frozen pipes 358 days a year!

I asked my pal Cara over at Arctic Ice Hockey to help me gather some information about Winnipeggers and their love of slurpees. She attempted to get winnipeggers to tell me the tale of the Slurpee but only one person responded because I assume the rest had brain freeze or had to give themselves an insulin shot or something.


I found this information very useful but I still needed more because I don't need a recipe, I need facts so I retreated back to the twitter machine to see if I could find more Winnipeggers to tell me why they love slurpees.

This is hard for me to believe because Dr. Pepper is Not Good

See, this is what I'm talking about. Facts! My gross assumption that Winnipeggers were taking insulin shots was spot on.

Since actual Winnipeggers aren't very helpful, I went to google to collect information.

188,833 Slurpees per MONTH?? WHY? Slurpees are NOT GOOD. There is an event called "Fill up your own slurpee day" and people take whatever they have lying around their house and bring it to 7-11 and fill it with slurpee. This does not stop people from bringing the biggest container from their house and filling it completely for a very marginal price.

WHY DO YOU NEED THAT MUCH SLURPEE? I've had a slurpee before, it separates within two minutes if you do not finish it right away. It is so disgusting.

I don't get you, Winnipeg.


San Jose Sharks vs. Winnipeg Jets

7:00pm, PST

Sad Asshole Patrol Center



The Fake Winnipeg Jets just destroyed the real Winnipeg Jets on Thursday, but the real Winnipeg Jets are not good. Sharks are still champions of October, they win 5-2. Tomas Hertl scores and everyone melts.

Setting the mood:

[Note: I've never seen Westside Story but you dorks go crazy with references when these two teams play each other so I'm just pleasing the masses]

Tweet of the day:

This is old but goddamn I love everything about it

Awful Hockey Tattoo of the Day:

Not really awful, but this is the only Jets tattoo I could find. The placement is bad and some of the color fell out, but not the worst.