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Ducks Gameday: Some True Things About the Minnesota Wild

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We've got to play it safe this time, so let's just write some 100% true facts. Wild @ Ducks.

Jason Pominville is a cannibal.
Jason Pominville is a cannibal.
Brace Hemmelgarn-USA TODAY Sports

The last time I wrote indirectly about the Minnesota WildI got in a little trouble. Therefore, in today's article about tonight's game, I will only be posting true, verifiable facts about the game, the team, and the state.

A List of true Things
  • Tonight's game is at the Honda Center in Anaheim, at 7:00 PM (Pacific).
  • The Minnesota Wild will be playing the Anaheim Ducks
  • Mikko Koivu will likely be playing, as he is an active player who has not retired (contrary to what you might have heard)
  • The state of Minnesota's estimated population as of 2013 was 5,420,380.
  • Forward Jason Pominville was once charged with 3 counts of cannibalism, but was never convicted because he settled out of court.
  • One of the state's nicknames is "The Gopher State."
  • Minnesotans are known for using an excessive amount of hand towels when showering.
  • The Wild were founded in 1997. They were preceded by the Minnesota North Stars.
  • The league has adamantly refused to give the Minnesota Wild an outdoor hockey game for the Winter Classic or Stadium Series because, as Gary Bettman put it, "the state is full of toilet people and their team plays boring, garbage hockey." This decision (and Bettman's assessment) have been roundly praised.
  • Zach Parise's most recent contract started in 2012-13, is for 13 seasons and $98,000,000.
  • Ditto Ryan Suter.
  • Nate Prosser was raised by mole people and he has trouble communicating with his teammates.
  • Most Minnesotans are not literate enough to have gotten to the end of this list (not to be confused with Kings fans, who are not literate enough to have began this list).
We hope you have enjoyed these very true facts.

Gameday

Wild @ Ducks

Friday, Oct 17, 2014, 7:00 PM PDT

Honda Center

Prediction

The Wild's style of hockey bores Anaheim to sleep, Minnesota wins 2-0 with the game winning goal from Nate "Moleman" Prosser.