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Sharks Gameday: Satan's favorite team is the Boston Bruins

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We had quite the day here yesterday folks, it was one for the ages but we need to get back to what we do best...making fun of other teams and people.

RIP Kurt Vonnegut
RIP Kurt Vonnegut

Today's Sharks game is very special to me because I absolutely, 100% cannot stand the Bruins. They're not even in my fucking conference and I hate them more than almost every team in the west. That's how deplorable these stupid fuckers are. They are such jerks that they make me feel bad for the Canucks and Leafs. That is pure evil.

Another thing that makes this whole Boston Bruin thing awful is that some of their fans are extremely racist. I'm not going to put examples here because that is just giving people who are terrible specific attention and they don't deserve it. Anyway, they were exceptionally awful during the playoffs because P.K. Subban is amazing and PK was even more amazing for the way he handled everything.

I could go on forever but let me break it down for you:

Top 10 Reasons I hate Boston

10) The Boston media as a whole makes me want to rip off my face

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet" lang="en"><p>Here&#39;s a complete set of links to ALL of the Boston media&#39;s outrage over the Milan Lucic spear:</p>&mdash; Dejan Kovacevic (@Dejan_Kovacevic) <a href="">April 19, 2014</a></blockquote>

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9) Claude Julien is a throbbing hemorrhoid

8) They glorified the bullshit enforcer role and is a large reason why teams like mine acquire these shitheads

7) Boston accents make me wish I was deaf

6) TD Garden is full of locust which furthers my belief that the Bruins and Celtics have an association with the devil

5) Haggs because he is awful and twitter searches his nickname

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet" lang="en"><p>He is THE WORST...OMG OMG RT <a href="">@stace_ofbase</a> Haggs is so embarrassing</p>&mdash; Joe Haggerty (@HackswithHaggs) <a href="">June 24, 2014</a></blockquote>

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4) Brad Marchand looks like Splinter from the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and totally taints the good rat that is Splinter

3) The shitty racist fans

2) I'm not sure if they play hockey in Canadian jails like Americans play basketball in jail, but if they do, the Bruins definitely play by Canadian prison rules

1) Milan Lucic

While we are on the subject of Milan Lucic, let's check out some of his greatest hits:

The nutcracker, which was used often in the 2014 playoffs, was made popular by this human litter box. He used this move three times in the playoffs.

Ah yes, the wanking motion. The universal greeting of meatheads who cannot color inside the lines. He was fined 5,000 dollars for this last week which means he had to put off buying more gold chains and pinky rings.

I am almost certain he is saying "I'm going to fucking miss the playoffs next year"


San Jose Sharks @ Boston Bruins

4:00pm PST

The Locust Garden



With all that being said about the Bruins, they aren't a rival. Games against them as usually boring as hell. Boston wins 2-0 and everyone talks shit on Antti Niemi. Goals from fuck face #1 and fuck face #2. Lucic does the shocker gesture and John Scott runs down from the press box to give him a high five.

Setting the Tone:

<iframe width="560" height="315" src="//" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>

[This was all over the place last week, but if you haven't watched it, PLEASE take the time to do so]

Tweet of the Day:

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet" lang="en"><p>Wouldn&#39;t it be great if, instead of giving him a $5000 fine, the NHL made Milan Lucic go to a workshop on how to love yourself?</p>&mdash; Laura/theactivestick (@theactivestick) <a href="">October 17, 2014</a></blockquote>

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Awful Hockey Tattoo(s) of the Day:

I can't just pick one, Bruins fans sure know how to make awful life decisions

Jesus wept.

/douses with holy water