clock menu more-arrow no yes

Filed under:

Sharks Gameday: Tapatio

New, 16 comments

A hot sauce for the people, by the people

Bow down to your hot sauce overlord
Bow down to your hot sauce overlord
some n00b site

The greatest Mexican hot sauce in the galaxy is tapatio. Cholula is for pretentious asshole one-percenters. I found a lovely infographic that explains the history of tapatio. You won't find an infographic for cholula because they are too busy lighting cigars with one-hundred dollar bills in front of underprivileged children.

The most noteworthy thing about tapatio is that it was created in the greatest state in the greatest country in the world! Cholula was created in Mexico, which may make it more authentic, but you are basically giving money to the drug cartel with every bottle that you buy.

Things I put tapatio in/on:

  • Eggs
  • Country fried potatoes
  • Hash browns
  • Pizza
  • Pasta
  • Rice
  • I mix it with ketchup to make things interesting for french fries
  • Sandwiches
  • Burgers
  • Soup
  • Quesadillas
  • Burritos
  • Tacos
  • Enchiladas
  • Tamales
  • Bloody Marys
  • I mix it with ranch to make a dance montage of flavors for chicken tenders
  • Macaroni and cheese
  • Chilaquiles
  • Tortilla chips if I am out of salsa
  • Hot dogs when I am at Staples Center
  • Cottage cheese
  • Bagels with cream cheese
  • Caesar salad [substitute croutons for tortilla strips]
  • Grits
  • Grilled cheese
  • On wheat thins because the tabasco flavored wheat thins are wheat thins dipped in ass water
  • Chimichangas
  • Chicken
  • Stir fry
  • Chuggin it outta the bottle all day 24/7
You can buy a 64-ounce bottle of cholula for 29 dollars on amazon. This is a pretty good deal right? Well you can get a 128-ounce bottle of tapatio for 31 dollars on amazon. Tapatio is clearly a hot sauce for the working class heroes. Nobody wants to be sent to the poor house because of their hot sauce purchases. A study was done in 2009, and it showed that 77% of all cholula buyers had gone bankrupt due to the expense of their favorite hot sauce. In that study, it also showed that people who like tapatio more are generally happier, more attractive, and just have a better quality of life in general. So yeah, you can like cholula and continue giving money to the cartel, or you can like tapatio, bring in revenue for your beautiful state and country, and continue being sexy as hell. Your call.

Gameday!

San Jose Sharks @ Anaheim Ducks

5pm PST

Arrowhead Pond of Fecal Matter

CSN-CA, FSPT

Prediction:

lol San Jose is not winning this. 5-2. Dumb goals from Logan Couture and Justin Braun.

Setting the Tone:

Never change, terrible shitheads, never change.

Tweet of the Day:

Some Ducks fans seem to feel that the refs are frequently out to get Anaheim. This is even more apparent against a divisional opponent. Let's follow one of my favs for the evening, shall we?

Awful Hockey Tattoo of the Day:

This is actually the most awesome hockey tattoo on the planet

Hahahahahaha