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Kings Gameday: All Backed Up Again

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EPISODE I: THE POOPING MENACE

Quite the O face there, Tyler
Quite the O face there, Tyler
Mark J. Rebilas-USA TODAY Sports

Jenga has been in a few stories already now. With the suicidal dog leaping from his car, and finding a baseball player's shit covered undies, Jenga has had a colorful time working in San Bernardino. He is a big guy, and not a bad fella, though with a very fucked up sense humor. He did after all take pictures of crappy underwear at a dinner. Anyways, when I started working full time out there, I was, for lack of a better term, Jenga's bitch. This mostly resulted in me riding shotgun with him as we traversed the hell-scape of the 909.

Before the season started we usually spent about ten hours a day driving around and picking up crap to either repair something at the stadium, or to clean up messes we hadn't dealt with since August. Given that the road conditions of San Bernardino are pretty deplorable, as they are riddled with potholes and heroin syringes, sure enough with all the driving we were doing Jenga's car got a flat.

So there we are at a WalMart tire center in Colton, which is terrifying enough, at 6 PM at night. Everyone else had left the office so I couldn't even get a ride back to my car. Jenga meanwhile went to buy a new tire. Ten minutes later he was coming back to his car. There was no new tire. I was a tad confused as to what our plan was as to get back to the stadium where my car was.

"We have to leave," explained Jenga.

Again, he was inside for ten minutes. This didn't make a whole lot of sense.

"I had to leave," he continued.

Well why hadn't he gotten a tire? We could have even done that ourselves if he just didn't want to pay some guys to slap a new tire on his car.

"Something came up."

While we sat waiting for a taxi Jenga explained what exactly had happened in the WalMart tire section and why he had to essentially run away. Turns out he wasn't feeling well. Turns out it was very fast acting. Turns out he had to suddenly poop. Turns out he couldn't get to the bathroom because he couldn't move at all. Turns out he was pooping into a plastic bag behind a tire display while people tried not to pay attention to the grown man taking a shit in a auto-parts department.

I don't think he ever went back to that WalMart, seeing as he just tossed his plastic bag full of doo-doo into one of the store's garbage can without closing the bag. He actually made me split the cost of the taxi too. This wasn't the first or the last time Jenga had sudden onsets of massive shitsitis. He refused to drive his car after we got sushi because he was on the verge of shit himself then and we sat at a stop light for about five minutes with the hazards on. He also shit himself in his bed once when he was younger according to his dad.

Also, Corey Perry has the Mumps.

Kings are all sick with the flu and had an advanced stats train ran on em by the Ducks. They still almost won if not for the douche theatrics of Anaheim. I don't expect them to be as lucky to even steal a point.

Prediction: Kings lose 4-1. Lone goal by Carter.