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Sharks Gameday: Long Beach Native Matt Nieto

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Do you know the way to Long Beach? la-la-lala-la-la-lalala

So happy to be from Long Beach, California
So happy to be from Long Beach, California
Kyle Terada-USA TODAY Sports

I have a rather delicious piece of hockey trivia that you may not know: Long Beach Native Matt Nieto is from Long Beach, California! This is really cool because our website, Battle of California, focuses specifically on California hockey teams, and Long Beach Native Matt Nieto is from California AND plays for a California hockey team. It's the most Cinderelly Cinderella story to ever happen in the National Hockey League.

Oh, a dude on the Ducks is also from Long Beach? Fuck that.

IT. IS. ON.

Way to style bite, Anaheim. It's bad enough that you have to exist in the first place. It's bad enough that your team is a festering ball of shit that is held together with blood plasma expelled from Corey Perry's open meth sores. It's bad enough that your team represents everything that I hate about Orange County. It's bad enough your arena is the second home arena for the Detroit Red Wings and well, lots of other teams for that matter. It's bad enough that out of all the cities in Southern California, you wound up in the most insignificant, decrepit one of all--actually, that's fitting. Never mind.

Anyway, it's pretty damn obvious that Long Beach Native Matt Nieto is the greatest hockey player to ever hail from Long Beach, California. This is only his second season with the San Jose Sharks and he already has 31 career points! I know, that's not that good, but his friend, Long Beach Native Emerson Etem, is amongst his third season with the Anaheim Ducks and he only has 25 career points, which is borderline pathetic, if you ask me.

The biggest reason that Long Beach Native Matt Nieto is better than Long Beach Native Emerson Etem is that Long Beach Native Emerson Etem loves Five Guys and hates burritos unless they are from Chipotle. Long Beach Native Matt Nieto recognizes that In-n-Out is the best burger joint and also, only eats burritos from the most authentic Mexican restaurants in Southern California. It drives him crazy that he lives in Northern California because the Mexican food up there is so bad.

Long Beach Native Emerson Etem also thinks that Star Wars Episodes I-III are better than Star Wars Episodes IV-VI. Him and Long Beach Native Matthew Nieto argue about it all the time because obviously Long Beach Native Matthew loves episodes IV-VI.

Long Beach Native Matt Nieto loves a variety of video game systems. Long Beach Native Emerson Etem says that anything before or after Sega Dreamcast is garbage.

Long Beach Native Emerson Etem grew up a Kings fan, which makes him the worst. Long Beach Native Matt Nieto also grew up a Kings fan, which makes him the wors-ah crap that didn't work.

Long Beach Native Matt Nieto recognizes that the beaches in Long Beach are subpar, so he will travel the extra distance to go to a better beach in the vicinity. Long Beach Native Emerson Etem was not fond of the beaches in Long Beach at first, but he has grown accustomed to watching his teammates in their natural habitat.

One of the other 69 million reasons why Long Beach Native Matt Nieto is the best NHL player to hail from Long Beach is because he is currently the only NHL player from Long Beach. Long Beach Native Emerson Etem is so bad that he lost a roster spot to Rene Bourque and is currently rotting away in Norfolk, Not California.

Gameday!

San Jose Sharks vs. Anaheim Ducks

7:30pm PST

Sad Asshole Patrol Center

CSN-CA

Prediction:

The Sharks bring out Anaheim's true colours (which is different shades of diarrhea) and they capitalize on it. Sharks win, 3-1, with a hat trick from Long Beach Native Matt Nieto.

Setting the Tone:

<iframe width="560" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/-hIjgofcuWU?rel=0" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>

This might be the best music video from the 1990's.

Tweet of the Day:

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Awful Hockey Tattoo of the Day:

#NeverForget