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Kings Gameday: Long Beach Native Jonathan Blum

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You rotten jerk
You rotten jerk
Frederick Breedon/Getty Images
Jonathan Blum is the single greatest player to come out of Southern California. He's said to be from Long Beach, CA. Except he isn't. Maybe he was born there, I don't know. Because Blum grew up down the street from me, and I lived in not Long Beach. San Jose may have Mr. Avenue, Matt Nieto, except he hasn't done a feat that Blum has. Anaheim has that kid with the alliterative name also from Long Beach, but he also doesn't have the resume of The Blum. No, Jonathan Blum has accomplished a feat very, very few ever have. He's scored a goal on me.

I was a somebody. I was a high school hockey goalie in southern Orange County, dammit. I was borderline important! Okay, not really, but I was good at what I did. Until Blum showed up and ruined everything. Blum scored on me one time in a game, and because of that he made the NHL (sorta) and I didn't. That's exactly how these things work.

Sure, at the moment Blum may be toiling in the minors under possession of the Minnesota Wild, but he's better than two NHL regulars. He's the type of guy the Kings need. Someone who can score against mediocre goalies that the Kings regularly face. Specifically within their own state. I mean, Trevor Lewis can't do it all.

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Imagine if the Kings had two natural scorers of this caliber. As mentioned, Blum is stuck in the minors, and the Wild don't know what sort of raw talent they have on their hands. Emerson Etem and Matt Nieto are bums. They have never scored a goal against me. And they're forwards. Jonathan Blum plays defense, and has. Pretty obvious who is superior here. Go get him Kings, even though he is a career ruining bully who further insults me by not following me on Twitter BUT HE FOLLOWS MY MOM. I'm sure the Kings can overlook his character issues.

preview chicago

Jon is actually a good guy.

This is the first match up between the Blackhawks and Kings since Los Angeles eeked by Chicago. The series wound up being won thanks to L.A.'s superior skill of being a greater hockey city. Chicago failed to repeat as Cup champions, found out they weren't the hockey Mecca that L.A. is, and has fallen into anarchist chaos reminiscent of the Dark Knight movies. Sorry, guys.

In other news, I really like how my MS Paint logos are coming along and toyed with the idea of putting them on jerseys.

chicago jersey

la jersey

Wow. They are so beautiful. You should demand them. Maybe even offer money for one of these things. I don't know how the Blackhawk logo wound up sorta looking like Quagmire from Family Guy, or maybe sort of like a yam, but on the red jerseys, they certainly pop. At least it looks better than the ads that will be going on these things.

Prediction: Kings lose 4-2. Goals by Richards and Muzzin.