Ducks Gameday: Solving Anaheim's Goaltending Issues

The Anaheim Ducks are having some goalie issues, again. John Gibson is out an expected 6 weeks due to a bunk crotch, and Frederik Andersen is listed as day-to-day. Although there is some talk that Andersen might be ready as soon as tonight against the Islanders, it's hard to say how likely that is, and it's much more probable we'll be seeing Jason LaBarbera in net again with recently recalled Igor Bobkov backing him up.

Bobkov is certainly a better option than what happened Sunday night when Gibson was unexpectedly shelved while injured during warmups, but it's still a pretty hairy situation in Anaheim's net. So, how can we solve this situation? Let's take a look at some goaltenders who are still available who might provide some quick-fix solutions to Anaheim' woes...

Martin Brodeur

Brodeur, who is old and fat and way past his prime, a shell of his former self, is an unrestricted free agent (sources say that this is because he's old and fat and way past his prime). The Ducks have a whole lot of cap space and a history of giving out knee-jerk bad contracts, so Marty might just be the man. However, it might be too disturbing to see him in any jersey other than a New Jersey, uh, jersey. Next, please...

Dan Ellis (again)

Hey, remember when Anaheim went through this not too long ago, and Dan Ellis was part of the solution? What strange fucking times those were. What's old moneybags up to these days? Oh, what's that? The Florida Panthers have him under contract, but he's spending it playing for the AHL's San Antonio Rampage? I'm sure he wouldn't be too hard to pick up one more time. Of course, Ellis is a man of exquisite taste, and even with the Ducks' extra cap space he probably isn't affordable. Next!

Tim Thomas

Noted shitbag Tim Thomas is an available unrestricted free agent, and would fit in well with Orange County's completely unhinged, insanity-celebrating political climate. But he'd probably refuse to play in a state where rich people have to pay their taxes. so I guess he's a no go. Next!

The obvious solution...

Battle of California's own Ryan Dunn

He's unemployed, very cheap, and occasionally sober! Dunn also played goaltender throughout high school, and even though it's unlikely, it's possible he might have been okay at the job. And who cares if he looks a little too much like Dirk Nowitzki? He's obviously the right man for the job.

Expect a phone call soon, Dunn.

Gameday

Islanders (6 - 5) @ Ducks (10 - 3)

Wednesday, Nov 5, 2014, 7:30 PM PST

Honda Center

Prediction

The Islanders, who somehow became a pretty solid team finally, are shut out by a completely wasted Ryan Dunn. Ducks win 2-0.