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Ducks Gameday: Ads On Jerseys Is A Very Bad Idea But We Can't Stop It

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The leagues beloved jerseys are going to be hideous, probably pretty soon. Coyotes @ Ducks.

Images of the 2012-13 Upper Midwest Elite League hockey jerseys
Images of the 2012-13 Upper Midwest Elite League hockey jerseys
Upper Midwest Elite League

I don't have much time to write up a post for tonight's game, so bear with me. I wanted to talk briefly about a report everyone was in a huff about yesterday regarding ads coming to NHL jerseys, likely sooner rather than later. These people are rightly in a huff about it, of course.

But as upsetting as it is, it's going to eventually happen. No matter how angry it makes us. We're not going to be able to stop it, because it's going to make the league another bajillion dollars that the owners will find a way to not give the players (and probably force another lockout over), and that's frustrating. It's bad enough that they've sold off every other square inch of the sport to ads, from the glass to the god damn naming right of the ice.

So I won't bore you with a high-and-mighty rant about how corporate sponsorship is ruining hockey and everything else good in this stupid fucking world, and instead I'll give you some Battle of California specific examples of some great potential partnerships!

Anaheim Ducks

If you've ever been to Orange County, you've probably had to choke your way through the thick fog of body spray that you'd imagine only prepubescent middle schoolers don't know better about wearing, but somehow is coming off of bro-dudes well in to their 20s. Time to cash in, Ducks!

Los Angeles Kings

Okay, I was going to come up with a clever sponsorship for LA, but since they're already actually in a partnership with McDonald's, and Kings fans are the type of fat, disgusting slobs who would actually willingly eat at a McDonald's, let's just keep their deal as is.

San Jose Sharks

I don't really know what "Trulock" is, but it looks like they're some sort of company for gun nuts. They make a product called "choke tubes," and that's good enough for me.

See, it's a San Jose "choke" joke. It's very, very clever and original.

Arizona Coyotes

I guess since we're playing the Coyotes tonight, I can maybe mention them. Let's see, uhm...

For some reason this agency doesn't really have a logo, but it's nice for them to help out.

Admittedly, these are all terrible. I told you idiots I'm short on time for this post, but you didn't believe me. So come up with some better ones in our comments section, and be funny about it.

Gameday

Coyotes (5 - 7) @ Ducks (10 - 4)

Friday, Nov 7, 2014, 7:00 PM PST

Honda Center

Prediction

Noted garbage-human Shane Doan intentionally injures one of younger players, again, and Arizona wins 3-1.