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Sharks Gameday: Dallas Fans Seeking Dates On Craigslist

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Let's make a love connection

Stars and their fans celebrating republicans having the senate majority
Stars and their fans celebrating republicans having the senate majority
Jerome Miron-USA TODAY Sports

Over the years, we at Battle of California have spent a lot of time shitting on the Dallas Stars and the state of Texas itself, because well, they are awful. In the past couple years, my hatred for the Stars that was once quite strong has decreased greatly. Is it their irrelevance? Probably. Is it their move to the Central Division? Most likely. Is it because I rather not waste my time thinking about anything that involves Texas? You bet your sweet ass.

The Stars once terrorized the Pacific Division, and their move to the Central Division is something that is still celebrated til this day. Hopefully, one day, the Stars will be able to secede from the uni-uhhh I mean, the National Hockey League, where the team and their fans can live their lives smothered in BBQ and yelling out racial slurs without a care in the world.

I shouldn't be so mean though. I've realized over the past season or so that residents of Texas are actually people too. It was actually a great shock to learn this, considering that it is hard to believe that any group of people who are so grossly filled with hate and backwards thinking could actually be a product of something as beautiful as lovemaking, surrogating or test-tubing.

My point is that everyone, including Dallas Stars fans, need love. Maybe not love from geniunely good people, but some sort of love. I ventured onto craigslist to see if there are any Stars fans looking for dates to hockey games, and maybe, just maybe, a Dallas Stars fan will read this post and find their future toothless life partner. After reading a bunch of ads (which included countless amounts of butthole photos), I found the people who would make the most suitable partner for you know, someone from Texas.

This is a little bit pushy for my taste. I like to take my time when I am getting ready for dates with random dudes from Craigslist.

Oh my god, a short poem. Is Howard Stern actually still a thing?

#WhiteMail

Nothing gets a woman more in the mood than watching two-thirds of a Dallas Stars game and eating at Buffalo Wild Wings. In this case, mood can be translated to a sudden onset of diarrhea.

--

If you find love from this post, I expect an invitation to the wedding.

Note: I will not go to the wedding because it is in Texas



Gameday!

San Jose Sharks @ Dallas Stars

5pm PST

Aryan Airlines Center

CSN-CA

Prediction:

The Sharks lost to Vancouver on Thursday whilst outplaying them and scoring a last second goal that did not count. It was very Sharks. The Dallas Stars are currently 7th (that's nice speak for HAHAHAHA they are in last place) in their division because I guess they got a memo from the Los Angeles Kings that the regular season does not matter and also because they were awarded the Stanley Cup in the offseason, so why bother? Sharks love to spoil banner raising ceremonies so they win 4-2. Goals from Tomas Hertl, Logan Couture, Patrick Marleau and Tommy Wingels.

Setting the Mood:

<iframe width="420" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/sirRyxzxGHA?rel=0" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>

Just something to make you laugh, cry, and hate the Stars (and also the Sharks) all over again.

<iframe width="420" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/b0wfu3tOrtQ?rel=0" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>

The only good thing to come out of Texas

Tweet of the Day:

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet" data-conversation="none" lang="en"><p>"<a href="https://twitter.com/conserv_tribune">@conserv_tribune</a>: BREAKING: Obama Gives One-Word Reaction to the Election… And It’s PRICELESS <a href="http://t.co/PPbF3kl3N9">http://t.co/PPbF3kl3N9</a> <a href="https://twitter.com/hashtag/tcot?src=hash">#tcot</a> <a href="https://twitter.com/hashtag/tlot?src=hash">#tlot</a>" poor baby</p>&mdash; Mike Modano (@9modano) <a href="https://twitter.com/9modano/status/530024682796625920">November 5, 2014</a></blockquote>

<script async src="//platform.twitter.com/widgets.js" charset="utf-8"></script>

haha what a miserable sack of shit

#UnblockStace

Awful Hockey Tattoo of the Day:

<blockquote class="instagram-media" data-instgrm-version="4" style=" background:#FFF; border:0; border-radius:3px; box-shadow:0 0 1px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.5),0 1px 10px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.15); margin: 1px; max-width:658px; padding:0; width:99.375%; width:-webkit-calc(100% - 2px); width:calc(100% - 2px);"><div style="padding:8px;"> <div style=" background:#F8F8F8; line-height:0; margin-top:40px; padding:50% 0; text-align:center; width:100%;"> <div style=" background:url(data:image/png;base64,iVBORw0KGgoAAAANSUhEUgAAACwAAAAsCAMAAAApWqozAAAAGFBMVEUiIiI9PT0eHh4gIB4hIBkcHBwcHBwcHBydr+JQAAAACHRSTlMABA4YHyQsM5jtaMwAAADfSURBVDjL7ZVBEgMhCAQBAf//42xcNbpAqakcM0ftUmFAAIBE81IqBJdS3lS6zs3bIpB9WED3YYXFPmHRfT8sgyrCP1x8uEUxLMzNWElFOYCV6mHWWwMzdPEKHlhLw7NWJqkHc4uIZphavDzA2JPzUDsBZziNae2S6owH8xPmX8G7zzgKEOPUoYHvGz1TBCxMkd3kwNVbU0gKHkx+iZILf77IofhrY1nYFnB/lQPb79drWOyJVa/DAvg9B/rLB4cC+Nqgdz/TvBbBnr6GBReqn/nRmDgaQEej7WhonozjF+Y2I/fZou/qAAAAAElFTkSuQmCC); display:block; height:44px; margin:0 auto -44px; position:relative; top:-22px; width:44px;"></div></div><p style=" color:#c9c8cd; font-family:Arial,sans-serif; font-size:14px; line-height:17px; margin-bottom:0; margin-top:8px; overflow:hidden; padding:8px 0 7px; text-align:center; text-overflow:ellipsis; white-space:nowrap;"><a href="https://instagram.com/p/fBoy3igvSO/" style=" color:#c9c8cd; font-family:Arial,sans-serif; font-size:14px; font-style:normal; font-weight:normal; line-height:17px; text-decoration:none;" target="_top">A photo posted by raven gomberg (@josephinesnightmare)</a> on <time style=" font-family:Arial,sans-serif; font-size:14px; line-height:17px;" datetime="2013-10-04T00:35:57+00:00">Oct 10, 2013 at 5:35pm PDT</time></p></div></blockquote><script async defer src="//platform.instagram.com/en_US/embeds.js"></script>

THE GOGGLES THEY DO NOTHING!!!