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Ducks Gameday: A Tale of Murder... In Edmonton

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Well, this is unsettling. Ducks @ Oilers.

From the killer's MySpace profile. Remember MySpace? Christ.
From the killer's MySpace profile. Remember MySpace? Christ.

Edmonton, again? Damn it.

Well, on Wednesday I wrote a piece about Justin Schultz and how terrible he is, and this seemed to rub some Edmonton folk the wrong way (even though they too believe he is terrible -- they're a touchy people). So today, instead, I thought we could focus on something a little more lighthearted, you know, like murder.

Murder? In Edmonton? Yes, Murder. In Edmonton.

From a 2011 CBCNews article...

[Mark] Twitchell, 31, used an online dating site to lure [Johnny] Altinger, 38, to a rented garage in south Edmonton on Oct. 10, 2008, before killing him.

Twitchell then dismembered the body and dumped the remains in a north Edmonton sewer.

Jesus, that's some pretty rough, disturbing stuff. What would drive an Edmontonianitetist to do such a horrible thing? Caught up in drugs? Some schizophrenic episode? A sexual offender gone mad? Something even more sinister?

Twitchell's fondness for the Dexter television show was well-documented during the trial, and he had a Facebook profile under the name of protagonist Dexter Morgan, a vigilante serial killer.

Twitchell had claimed he lured Altinger to the garage to create online buzz for a short film about a Dexter-like killer

So... a TV show. Well, huh.

Twitchell's Dexter obsession is mentioned in every single article that discusses the murder, and it's pretty clear that the show played a big part in it. Documents found on Twitchell's computer indicated this murder was just the first of what was supposed to be a serial killing spree, just like Dexter. It was to be turned in to a film that Twitchell, a half-assed filmmaker, was creating.

The lesson here, of course, is that Edmonton residents are so horrifically stupid and impressionable that showing them just one single episode of Dexter will turn them in to bloodthirsty murderers.

Obviously, this is not a happy tale. No happy ending here. We can only find limited solace, I suppose, in the fact that Twitchell was caught and convicted. He's currently serving a life sentence, where he's certainly facing the harshest of prison conditions that Canada has to offer, I'm sure...

National Post:

The 33-year-old former Edmonton filmmaker, who modelled the luring, murder and dismemberment of a complete stranger on the Dexter TV series, is continuing to watch the ultra-violent program inside the maximum security wing of Saskatchewan Penitentiary.

He has purchased a flat-screen television for his own private cell and now has access to over 60 cable TV channels, including one that broadcasts Dexter reruns and new episodes, according to sources familiar with the prison and the inmate's movements.

Oh god damn it, Canada.

Gameday

Well, I hope that, uh, got you excited for hockey tonight or whatever. Fuck.

Ducks (19 - 11) @ Oilers (7 - 22)

Friday, Dec 12, 2014, 6:30 PM PST

Rexall Place

Prediction

The Anaheim Ducks shark out a bit, losing 2-1 to Edmonton (and handing the Oilers only their second Western Conference win... in mid-fucking-December). Goal from Andrew Cogliano.