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Sharks Gameday: So...Where is this all going?

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There's a lot of questions that are raising where this Sharks season is going, and I have the answers.

hahahaha
hahahaha
Eric Hartline-USA TODAY Sports

First and foremost, we need to talk about how there has been a new addition to the Marleau family!

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet" lang="en"><p>Our family grew by one more little man today. <a href="http://t.co/BRUsj4A28H">pic.twitter.com/BRUsj4A28H</a></p>&mdash; Christina Marleau (@c_marleau) <a href="https://twitter.com/c_marleau/status/539210944274919424">December 1, 2014</a></blockquote>

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Patrick Marleau now has 15 sons!! It's the best. Many of you may not know the names of all of his sons and I am here to share this information that I have compiled. I am also going to share with you the teams that his sons are a fan of, because most of his children have the sense to not be Sharks fans.

  • Ralph Marleau - New York Rangers
  • Zeke Marleau - Pittsburgh Penguins
  • Thaddeus Marleau - Columbus Blue Jackets
  • Otto Marleau - Defunct AHL Cleveland Barons
  • Mustafa Marleau - Tampa Bay Lightning
  • Bracken Kearns Marleau - New York Islanders
  • Ignacio Marleau - Edmonton Oilers
  • Gaige Marleau - Buffalo Sabres
  • Alf Marleau - Chicago Blackhawks
  • Eriah Hayes Marleau -  Atlanta Thrashers [don't even bring up Winnipeg Jets 2.0 to him]
  • Buford Marleau - Washington Capitals
  • Sleepy Marleau - [prefers soccer]
  • Bashful Marleau - New Jersey Devils
  • Doc Marleau - Nashville Predators
  • Barclay Goodrow Marleau - Worcester Sharks

Now that baby fever has ceased, let's talk San Jose. This season has been very unpredictable yet predictable at the same time. A mixture of bad luck, bad defense, less than average goaltending, subpar coaching, and terrible general managing has caused the Sharks to be 5th in the Pacific and 10th in the Western Conference. This means that San Jose is currently NOT in playoff position for the first time since the NHL became a league in 1991. Everyone is in panic mode. Nobody knows what the hell is going on with this team and what it all means. I was once also confused but I have gained the tools to answer all of the questions on our minds about this team.

Hell yeah! This is all I really care about, but I guess I'll ask more questions.

Okay, I'm starting to think this thing doesn't work.

Actually this thing works again!

YESSSS!

I guess things can't be perfect.

Ummmm

Am I going to be too excited about them winning or something? I guess I can wait!!

Hmmmm. Ok.

I AM, GODDAMMIT.

Well, fuck you.



Gameday!

San Jose Sharks vs. Philadelphia Flyers

7:30pm PST

Sad Asshole Patrol Center

CSN-CA

Prediction:

The Sharks beat the Ducks and that was good. The Ducks are pretty good. The Flyers are not very good. Sharks lose, 4-2. Goals from Joe Thornton and Tommy Wingels.

Setting the Tone:

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Tweet of the Day:

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet" lang="en"><p>LET&#39;S ALL DRINK ICE COLD BEERS AND MAKE FUN OF THE FLYERS.</p>&mdash; FGSB (@FlyGoalScoredBy) <a href="https://twitter.com/FlyGoalScoredBy/status/539536046871310336">December 1, 2014</a></blockquote>

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Awful Hockey Tattoo of the Day:

*douses Battle of California with holy water*