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Kings Gameday: What the Kings got from Santa

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Plus the gifts they got during Hanukkah. Okay, so just Christmas gifts.

yikes
yikes
Marco Garcia-USA TODAY Sports

Christmas has come and gone, and hopefully you got everything you asked for. Ya spoiled little shit. The holidays are a great time to get together with people and enjoy their company. For about five minutes. Then you all want to kill each other. Especially if it is the day after Christmas, where you got your new shit. You want to enjoy the company of new hockey equipment or video games or new slacks instead of the company of your grandparents or parents or basically anybody really. So what did the Los Angeles Kings get for Christmas this year?

Jarret Stoll got a new hairline.

Alec Martinez got 24 million dollars over the next 6 years.

Mike Richards got the gift of life, as in no Kings fan has tried to murder him yet.

Drew Doughty got 24 jello pudding cups.

Jonathan Quick got 24 cans of Coors Light.

Trevor Lewis didn't get anything. He only wanted time to spend with his family. What a fucking loser.

Anze Kopitar got a fully operational space station. Complete with planet destroying laser.

Jake Muzzin got that weird laser hair removal thing that's advertised on the NHL network all the time for his out of control eyebrows (of course).

Tanner Pearson and Tyler Toffoli both got visible mustaches.

Slava Voynov got -wait. you seriously thought I was going to touch this topic? Get the fuck outta here.

Robyn Regehr got a fan that actually wanted to meet him.

Dwight King got that new set of Cutco knives he had been going on and on about.

Darryl Sutter got someone to finally let him know when he had his tongue hanging out for no discernible reason.

Martin Jones got a bird feeder.

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Prediction: Kings didn't get me anything, and decide to lose 4-1 again. Goal by Clifford (who asked for a goal for Christmas).