A week ago the Kings met up with the Calgary Flames and lost to them in overtime. Correction: They lost to Johnny Hockey. I, for one, was pretty shocked to learn that was not his actual name. His real name is Johnny Gaudreau. He's 21 years old, from New Jersey, went to Boston College, and won the Hobey Baker award while attending there. Hockey Gaudreau (or something) also has played in the World Juniors tournament, led the U.S. in scoring, won a gold medal, and got put on the tournament's All-Star team. Whatever that is.
This is what a Johnny Hockey looks like.
Not to be confused with the Snozberry guy in Super Troopers.
That guy is actually married to Christina Hendricks.
Wait. What? Really? How the fuck?
Anyways, Johnny Hockey has a dark secret. He's mooched off of a dear teammate and friend all the way to the National Hockey League. William Arnold was Gaudreau's teammate at Boston College where the two of them won a collegiate championship. The two of them both went on to sign professional contracts with the Calgary Flames in the same year, only to both make their debuts in the same game. The difference? Johnny Gaudreau scored a goal on his first shot in the NHL. Meanwhile, Bill Arnold is some guy you have never heard of in your life.
So while Johnny Hockey rolls around in his mountains of cash from ESPN's "Top Plays" lists he's appeared on, remember Bill Arnold. He's toiling in Adirondack. Trust me, I've been there. Playing hockey for a living is still toiling if you are forced to live in Glens Falls between the months of October through May.
Hey, wait a second. Hanukkah is over. This preview is outdated! Too bad. I don't feel like making another.
Prediction: Johnny Hockey scores 34 goals. Kings lose 34-33 in overtime. Goals by Kopitar (x6), Carter (x6), Gaborik (x4), Lewis (x3), Brown (x3), Stoll (x2), Doughty (x2), Williams, Muzzin, Martinez, Quick, Bailey, Bob Miller, and me.