Kings Gameday: The Interview

It was the summer of 2014. The San Jose Sharks had made history with an incredible meltdown in the first round of the playoffs against the Los Angeles Kings. There were rumblings for change in northern California. It's not every day you blow a 3-0 series lead after all. Who would fall? General Manager, Doug Wilson? Head coach, Todd McLellan? Team captain, Joe Thornton? Franchise forward, Patrick Marleau? Or would the team just relocate elsewhere because the San Jose fans let them down the most?

None of the above.

Instead the Sharks' TV color commentator, Drew Remenda, was fired. It didn't make a lot of sense. Luckily for him, he wasn't unemployed for long (unlike myself) and was picked up by the Edmonton Oilers. So with the Kings in Edmonton for their next game, I figured I could have a chance to meet up with Drew. And wouldn't you know it, he agreed! We met up at the finest and classiest establishment in Edmonton, Alberta: Oodle Noodle!

Get'r Dunn: Hi there Mr. Remenda. First off thanks for meeting with me. I know you must be a busy guy, and meeting with some blogger is probably not a priority.

Drew Remenda: Nah, I love meeting with fans. I do my best to make sure all fans get a great experience.

GrD: So what do you think of Edmonton? It's a lot different then California.

DR: It sure is. Compared to San Jose the atmosphere is completely different. It's a hockey town through and through. Not that San Jose doesn't have fans, but Edmonton has a history. The team is in a rough spot now, and the fans are pretty down about it. I guess the Sharks have that going on for them now though, too.

GrD: Speaking of the Sharks, what do you think of their moves they did this off-season? I mean, aside from...you know.

DR: (laughs) I'm okay with how all that went, actually. It was time to move on.

GrD: How'd that even come about?

DR: Well, it was the end of season meetings. I was just hanging around while the players were filing in and out. They were still pretty broken up. Joe Thornton had been crying for like a week straight. I  was kicking around ideas with Randy [Hahn] after seeing that and said he should be tougher. Doug Wilson overheard me, exclaimed, "THAT'S IT!" and took off.

Next thing I know the Sharks brass were talking about signing John Scott, keeping Mike Brown, and maybe giving Sharkie a gun. Doug Wilson runs up to me a few days later, has a very obvious erection, and shouts in my face, "WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THESE MOVES!"

I tried to explain that wasn't what I meant, and that I hoped Doug was joking. He got flustered, sputtered, and took off again. I actually quit the next day. I just told Doug I quit so I could get a severance package.

GrD: What did you think when Scott and Brown got those contracts?

DR: "Thank god I left." I couldn't really believe the team had gone out and done that. And yet it made perfect sense. God knows Thornton wouldn't step up in situations like that. He backed down from a goalie after all. Who does that?

GrD: Now you also caused a bit of a storm during this summer when you wound up hanging out with some guys from the Los Angeles Kings.

DR: Yeah, the Kings had just won, and I happened to be in the area enjoying the better half of California. We simply happened to run into each other, and those guys, and how cool are they? They let me hang out with them and the Stanley Cup. Dustin Brown is the sweetest guy also. The first thing he said to me was to ask about how Tomas Hertl was. He was was so concerned I didn't have the heart to tell him Hertl was drunk every day at the rink, cursing his name, and had a shrine dedicated to Dustin's death in his locker. Jarret Stoll was also great. It was nice to get to know a real elite centerman.

I don't really feel like I "betrayed" anyone either. I only stated for that photo that I was hanging out with champions. It wasn't a shot at anyone. I was stating a fact. If I had taken pictures of myself with Logan [Couture] or that gutless eyebrow wimp [Patrick Marleau] I would have stated an obvious fact for those also. Like "Hanging with some real friggin' weirdos".

Grd: Is there anything in particular you miss from San Jose?

DR: I'll always miss Randy. We got to be pretty great friends. It's a real shame he's still stuck out there. We had always both talked about getting out, though I think it took him off guard entirely when I left.

GrD: Going off of that, what do you think of Jamie Baker?

DR: Who the hell is that?

GrD: He took your old job.

DR: Oh yeah. That guy. Randy is in for a tough time. I mean, I was carrying Hahn's ass for a while there too. I had to keep his passion for the Kings in check also. He finally was able to downplay that, but it is so obvious. The poor guy is entirely smitten. If he doesn't get the play by play spot when Bob Miller retires, then there's going to be more than ridiculous banners hanging in the Sharks arena.

GrD: Well thanks again for meeting with me, Drew. Do you have a favorite part of the Edmonton Oilers?

DR: No. They fucking suck.

I cannot stress this enough. This was not a real interview. I don't know Drew Remenda, I have never spoken to Drew Remenda, and all of the above is a work of fiction. Be sure to tell your friends that this is real though.

Prediction: I get sued by Drew Remenda.