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Kings Gameday: The Lady Killer

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Just a love machine

Bruce Bennett/Getty Images

This is the time of year where we are forced to see family again, eat a shitload of food, and buy each other crap that we've been holding off on buying for ourselves so we don't feel guilty about indulging into senseless consumerism. It also means the rise and fall of of facial hair. Specifically, the mustache. November results in 'Movember'. Then December mercifully rolls in and makes that stop. Though there have been countless men that have worn the mustache with aplomb. Errol Flynn, Walt Disney, Sam Elliott, Sun Tzu, and Samuel L. Jackson in Pulp Fiction to name a few.

Then...well, then there was me.

arrest this man

This fine work of craftsmanship and testosterone was cultivated for quite a while. And I thought it came in pretty strong. I don't know the rules if soul patches are allowed for Movember, or if they are even called soul patches if they are part of a set. Also, it looks like my stache is a continuation of growth from my nose hair. It's incredible I'm still single.

Others weren't so enthusiastic. A sampling:

"You look like Steve Buscemi in Fargo." Ouch. On the plus side, I haven't been stuffed into a wood chipper as of yet.

"You look like Matthew McConaughey in Dazed and Confused if he was less attractive and on meth." I'll take it. Mostly as an excuse to say "alright alright alright" while picking at various sores on my skin.

"I wouldn't go 500 yards of any school unless you want the cops called on you." I'm already not allowed near schools.

"You're a hipster douche bag." Thanks dad.

"In Deadwood, you'd be the dirty as fuck drunk guy Timothy Olyphant kills in an episode for whatever reason." Hey, Timothy Olyphant is super attractive and it'd be an honor to get killed by him. I'd certainly have some DEAD WOOD afterwards! [gets shot at]

preview 10/28

The Kings have allowed four goals in their past four games. They all came against the Blackhawks. Now they play one more stupid afternoon game at home before hitting the road for the Northeast and Canada. Whee. Another exciting trip.

The Kings power play came back to life, which I am going to credit entirely to Alec Martinez. As good as Drew Doughty and Jake Muzzin are, when it comes to quarterbacking the man advantage (visually at least) Martinez appears more natural. He doesn't panic when pressured at the blue line, and is really good at picking when to shoot. As least following the last game. Maybe I'll start tracking defensemen and the shots they take, whether they get the shot through or if it gets blocked. I likely won't, because that sounds like a lot of work and I have better things to do. Like cruise high schools.

Prediction: I get arrested, become a RSO, and the Kings lose 3-2. Goals by Williams and Martinez (on the power play).