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Kings Gameday: Rob Martell

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People don't like Rob Martell

"Whoops. Was I in the way?"
"Whoops. Was I in the way?"
Bruce Bennett

Referee Rob Martell is not a very liked person in Los Angeles at the moment. He's been involved in two, well, let's call them "Oopsies!" The first Oopsie! was that puck that hit the netting, bounced off Jonathan Quick, and went into the net. Martell was sitting behind the goal in that play. The Kings lost in a shootout.

The most recent Oopsie! was last game against Anaheim where the Kings crashed the net, appeared to score a goal, where Martell waved it off, and play continued for an additional two or three frantic seconds. Replays showed the puck went in. Martell said there was goalie interference. The Kings lost.

People have been fast to say Rob Martell is a moron. I don't think that is exactly fair. Because the last Oopsie! was the San Jose Sharks' fault. Over the course of this season, the Sharks seem to have had the most obviously clear goals scored that, for whatever reason, have not counted. Kicked pucks, high sticks, goalie interference, all that fun stuff. Or so I hear. I just get all my news off of twitter. That way I get accurate news verified from multiple sources. Like hearing that Wayne Knight died. RIP Newman.

Back to this being the Sharks' doing though. As mentioned, the refs and the presumably old white guys sitting in Toronto watching the replays fucking hate them. At least when they score. As of late, the Sharks have been making a real run at the Ducks atop of the division. They were tied going into Saturday. Of course, the Kings could have done the Sharks a real favor and beat Anaheim. Instead they got Shark'd. Sure, the Kings would have only been tied with the Ducks, and even if Anaheim picked up a single point they would have moved past the Sharks. But no. Fuck that. This is San Jose's doing. Specifically Meg's, I bet. Way to fucking go.


Jerk-Off 2014

After John Scott's surprising victory this weekend, today offers a real plethora of talented jerks. Because it's the Phoenix Coyotes! The Coyotes are an unlikable bunch to begin with, but they have really collected some talent that is in the upper echelon of doucheness. Here though are the four I am featuring.

Shane Doan

Hockey television "analysts" love Shane Doan. Nobody else does.

Mike Smith

Brigadier Buttgoal is the most hated goalie in the league. He is a notorious actor and dirt big, who also has a really shitty taste in hairstyles. He complains, takes sneaky shots at opponents, and is poor. But above all else, he's a drama queen.

Mike Ribeiro

I actually feel a little bad about having him on this list since he looks like he has cancer. He doesn't? Are you sure? Have you seen him lately? People say he has it right in the locker-room.


Martin Erat

A little different from the guys listed above, in that he doesn't make you want to bludgeon his head in with a crowbar immediately. However, Erat has demanded trades twice in years where he has struggled to score. Yes, it is their fault you cannot score goals. And it is why you infuriated fanbases wherever you went. But he seems like a perfect fit to increase the whiny crybaby depth for the Coyotes.

Prediction: Kings score three times, but none of the goals count. They lose 2-0.