Sharks Gameday: The Torment of Living in Winnipeg

I've long had a fascination with Winnipeg, in much the same way that devout Catholics often develop a fascination with Hell.

Since the Sharks first played the Jets 2.0 several years back, I've enjoyed learning all I can about the strange and terrible place known as Winnipeg -- and I like to share what I discover with my readers. I wrote about all the awful things I learned from the Winnipeg Wikipedia page, I showed how hard it is to tell the difference between Winnipeg and Russia, and I've mocked their Mayor.

I've also had a lot of fun over the past few months following the City of Winnipeg's official Twitter account. I've featured some of their best tweets in Tweet of the Week articles in the past and the account even followed me for a brief and glorious moment so we could DM. Needless to say, I've been a big fan.

Unfortunately, I think I'm going to have to stop following the City of Winnipeg Twitter. It's just gotten too god damn bleak.

To prevent freezing of temp water hook-up, wrap outside tap with towel during cold weather. http://t.co/C1yTMC7V7B #winnipeg #wpgpipes

— City of Winnipeg (@cityofwinnipeg) March 27, 2014

Those with temp hose lines may be able to "thaw" a frozen outside tap by pouring a glass of hot water on the tap. #Wpgpipes

— City of Winnipeg (@cityofwinnipeg) March 26, 2014

City discourages unauthorized temp hose line installation for health and safety reasons. Read our FAQs at http://t.co/C1yTMC7V7B #wpgpipes

— City of Winnipeg (@cityofwinnipeg) March 25, 2014

One-stop service available for citizens with frozen pipes. Water refill/shower/info http://t.co/BrGiZ79Q0M #WpgPipes #Winnipeg

— City of Winnipeg (@cityofwinnipeg) March 24, 2014

City discourages use of household heating devices (heat guns/ hair dryers) to "thaw" frozen taps for temp hose lines #WpgPipes #Winnipeg

— City of Winnipeg (@cityofwinnipeg) March 23, 2014

Resource Centres provide access to showers, water jug refills, and information on thawing services http://t.co/nibleJKKmy #Wpgpipes

— City of Winnipeg (@cityofwinnipeg) March 21, 2014

Properties with temp hose line as their water supply must keep a cold tap running to prevent hose from freezing. #wpgpipes

— City of Winnipeg (@cityofwinnipeg) March 20, 2014

If City has thawed your pipes, you must keep a tap running to prevent pipes refreezing. Read our FAQs http://t.co/C1yTMC7V7B #wpgpipes

— City of Winnipeg (@cityofwinnipeg) March 19, 2014

If you are experiencing a loss of water, call 311 to report. Read our FAQs at http://t.co/C1yTMC7V7B #wpgpipes

— City of Winnipeg (@cityofwinnipeg) March 17, 2014

@LindaUhrich You can find information about appropriate hose types here: http://t.co/ftB1lDisbW

— City of Winnipeg (@cityofwinnipeg) March 16, 2014

personal comfort kit available at Frozen Pipe Citizen Resource Centre @ CKRC #WpgPipes pic.twitter.com/G56RIzsmqd

— City of Winnipeg (@cityofwinnipeg) March 15, 2014

Is melted snow safe to drink? No! Water melted from snow should NOT be used for any purpose other than flushing toilets #WpgPipes #Winnipeg

— City of Winnipeg (@cityofwinnipeg) March 14, 2014

City continues commitment to deliver drinking water to citizens with frozen pipes #Wpgpipes pic.twitter.com/PxK3mMFrVg

— City of Winnipeg (@cityofwinnipeg) March 11, 2014

Frozen pipe update: City of #Winnipeg has notified 1725 properties at risk by phone & follow up notice.

— City of Winnipeg (@cityofwinnipeg) March 7, 2014

This has basically been all that the city of Winnipeg account has been tweeting about for the ENTIRE MONTH OF MARCH. Hundreds and hundreds of the same repeated warnings and advisories, mixed in with specific instructions for confused, frozen, thirsty residents letting them know they shouldn't take snow out of the gutters and put it into their mouths.

I understand that this is officially a disaster, and in times of crisis the main function of a city's social media should be to get citizens essential information...but I just can't take it anymore. You used to be fun, @cityofwinnipeg. Now you're just a bummer.

Unfollowed.

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Sharks Gameday

Prediction: The Sharks win easily after all the Jets players become violently ill thanks to eating too much snow off the ground outside.

Video Gamery: My 8th-favorite video game is Plansecape: Torment. It was absolutely incredible and has never been equaled in its genre. The novelization, however, was garbage.