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Kings Gameday: What's the point, man?

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dat ass
dat ass
Harry How

I'm out of things to say about the Kings. They are down 3-0 in the series. The year is over. Except I am still trying to write about them and their crappy run of games stretching back to when they finally clinched a spot after winning against Phoenix. It's been terrible. The play of the Kings has reached a nirvana inducing state of frustration. It is so maddening nothing matters. Nothing but how bad they have played. Sure, game three was a great improvement, but they still lost. They needed a few breaks and didn't get them. No, the Kings have been the prime example of a team that has been all over the damn place with their ability to play hockey. It's kind of exciting not knowing what Kings team you are going to get any given game. Sort of like playing Russian roulette. So let's just get the season grades done and over with, and get to summer vacation. And let's do that in the lamest way possible.

A is for for "Anze". And "Awesome". And "and". Far and away the best player the Kings had all year, though Kopitar will still fall short in the Selke race. Stupid Patrice Bergeron.

B is for big, bald, bad, butt fucker. Robyn Regehr is butt fuckingly bad at defense.

C is for cap compliance, which will be interesting this off-season with Matt Greene and Willie Mitchell both set to be unrestricted free agents. Marian Gaborik too, but more on him later. Also, the Kings need to pay Dwight King.

D is for Dustin. Also, his grade for the year. Barely passing, though he scraped by thanks to infuriating the hell out of Sharks fans for a large portion of the year. Atta boy.

E is for ew, I am probably going to be cheering for the Dallas Stars next round also.

F is for fuck this stupid list.

G is for goals, which the Kings didn't nearly score enough of, but Jeff Carter is one guy that is good at that. Keep up the good work, Jeff.

H is for hell that I will be living in dealing with you Sharks fans for the next year.

I is for injuries, which the Kings didn't have a lot of this year. But Drew Doughty was injured for the playoffs, so this series doesn't count. Just like in 2011. Kings have won the only series between them and the Sharks.

J is for jerk-off, and we love that here at Battle of California.

K is for kleptomaniac. As in, "Why aren't you a kleptomaniac, Martin Jones, and steal Jonathan Quick's starting job?"

L is for Latino. Alec Martinez isn't actually really Latino, but we (just me) love him anyways. Hm, I guess I could have used "love" here, but that's ridiculous because I'm heterosexual and those feelings are just confusion and not real and oh god why I'm so alone.

M is for Mike Richards fucking sucked this year.

N is for no, seriously. I'm not gay.

O is for only focus on re-signing Gaborik. You have one job this summer, Dean. Sigh him. King gets whatever is left over.

P is for please let Tyler Toffoli, Tanner Pearson, and Linden Vey be on the team regularly next year.

Q is for quagmire, which is what the Kings are currently in regarding this playoff series.

R is for Ragnarok that was triggered for that brief shift when Robyn Regehr and Matt Greene were paired together.

S is for Slava swearing.

T is for thanks for nothing, Ben Scrivens. I'm not crying, shut up.

U is for u know, Daniel Carcillo has contributed more to his team for the playoffs than Mike Richards, Dustin Brown, and Justin Williams has.

V is for very, very disappointed. Hey! That's me!

W is for Wil Wheaton is very popular, and I don't really know why.

X is for Xanax, which I have gone through plenty of lately.

Y is for yee-haw, this very well may be my last gameday post for the season.

Z is for zoo.


Prediction: The Kings win three games in a row to draw out this series to make me miserable, give me false hope, then lose game seven in terrible fashion.