Kings Gameday: Boooooriiiiing

The Kings and Ducks series is now guaranteed to go at least six games long. Which is an absolute travesty because this series has been terrible. Not just games three and four, but a good ninety percent or so of this series. Yes, each game has been decided by two or fewer goals, but it has been the epitome of unremarkable and forgettable hockey. Maybe it's because the series with the Sharks and Kings, and the Ducks and Stars were simply better, more entertaining games.

During the games I find myself just watching the clock, amazed so little time has passed in the game. Yet I don't recall anything happening. It's the one time you can look at the box score and it's the perfect summary. You don't need a highlight reel, just a list of who scored when. It's been a tale of two teams playing mediocre hockey, turning the puck over in the neutral zone, and then whoever that's currently leading falling into shell style defense.

Don't get me wrong, game one was plenty exciting. In the first period and then the last minute of the third on. I couldn't tell you anything that happened in games two and three. Game four's highlight was Ryan Getzlaf getting hit in the butt with the puck preventing a goal. If I had to I guess for game two, the biggest highlight was Corey Perry getting punched in the balls, and game three's was the fact Brian Engblom replaced Brian Hayward. The games in Los Angeles have been as quiet as a Coyotes game. In Anaheim the only noise is from Kings fans trying to be heard simply to shame Anaheim.

Maybe this is because this isn't a serious rivalry. It's a manufactured fake bit of animosity named from a fan contest put on by both teams. You know, the same sort of stunt in how Pluto got named, and that worked out great for that planet moon thing. The announcers, writers, and NHL "analysts" talk about how these two teams don't like each other whenever Corey Perry gets punched. Except of course Perry gets decked wherever he goes because he annoys everyone. He's an equal opportunist. The Ducks' roster has new names on it routinely over the past few seasons as they try to cement younger players in the NHL, so the regular season animosity never really has built up.

Then there's the style of play. The Kings haven't been the most exciting team for the most part, and that's been the case ever since Terry Murray was in charge. It didn't really change under Darryl Sutter either, except that Sutter has been far more entertaining because he looks like a debeaked chicken. L.A. plays defense first hockey, don't counterattack often, and when they have the puck they rotate around the offensive zone without threatening too terribly much. The Ducks meanwhile sit around in the defensive zone, get peppered with shots, counter, and if they get a lead they don't bother with the countering aspect any more. The series has been like drinking yourself to sleep in that you blackout for a bit and kind of feel sick with a lingering taste of whiskey in your mouth while your stomach heaves from realizing the teams have only played two periods. Come back and play the Kings again, Sharks. We miss you. We're sorry. Please?

Still, this is somehow better than the Rangers/Penguins series. Marc-Andre Fleury's flubs aren't even entertaining anymore!

@NotDeadRyanDunn this round like like trying to beat off after 14 beers

— Torque Penderloin (@AndrewCieslak) May 10, 2014

Prediction: Drew Doughty falls asleep on the bench, and a botched line change costs the Kings the game.