clock menu more-arrow no yes mobile

Filed under:

Kings Gameday: Pack a Fat One

New, 28 comments

Game seven. Things are intense. And losing will hurt. Thankfully, some dip will take the edge off

Warning: May turn you into a bear with disgusting ass shit in your mouth
Warning: May turn you into a bear with disgusting ass shit in your mouth

First, an intro from Megalodon...

I've always been a man who inspired others. In college, for example, I encouraged Rudy to let us try out pepper spray on his face, with hilarious results. More recently, Jer and Dunn were struggling with ideas for their Game 7 gameday posts, and they were being really annoying about it and pestering me to share some of my wonderful and brilliant ideas.

This is their punishment.

At Batttle of California, we have a rich history of discussing the horrors of chewing tobacco. One of them will experiencing these horrors. After tonight's Game 7 decides the winner of the series, the fan of the losing team will have to try dip, for all Battle of California readers to witness.

At my last job I worked, the one in minor league baseball, there was a lot of chewing tobacco. Otherwise known as "dip". A lot of people in the office dipped. Every guy at least. Every guy except for me, that is. I've done my fair share of...frowned upon substances, but I could never bring myself to try dip. Even in my drunkest states I would turn it down. And naturally I was frequently referred to as a "bitch". So with this bet it's a chance to turn things around. I guess. There really isn't a silver lining with this. I figure, if things are grim enough and I lose this god awful wager, I may as well "be a man" and not a, well...

Anyways, this guy seems like a real pro. He has suggested Grizzly Wintergreen. Everyone I ever seen packing their mouths full of tobacco have used the same. Gum has a wintergreen flavor! That's pretty much the same product anyways. What could go wrong?

Best of all, this may be my answer to those lady problems I've been having. Girls love a guy who looks tough. A guy who is a rebel. Dipping solves all of that because you clearly are a guy who could give a shit about any oral cancer and partakes in what most everyone acknowledges is a horrendous habit.

Totally excited to try this line out.

I shoot myself.