I am going to say this once. This is a gross post. You shouldn't read this post. I am running out of ideas for the year. Thankfully Meg reintroduced dip as a topic. And Jer got to try it. That being said, again, this is a gross post you should not read. Though that could be said about most of my posts, so oh well.
It has come to my attention that my good friend and colleague, Jer Jer Dinks, has a problem. I've tried to talk to him but he won't listen. Meg has been no help at all, and I don't even know what the hell he is up to. What I speak of is of course Jer's crippling addiction to dip. He just cannot stop, and thinks it makes him look cool.
I was the lucky one when Meg came up with the fiendish idea to have one of us try dip, and I thank God every day that the Kings won. At first I reveled in the fact Jer would have to try dip while I could sit and laugh at him while he performed that disgusting habit, but things have gone much too far. We all knew there was a risk involved. That the loser of the bet would become hooked. Though how fast and how passionate Jer became about dipping was just too alarming.
Now Jer can't go anywhere without loading a rip in his lower lip, and the effects are already taking hold of him. He went out and bought an over-sized pickup truck. He slapped truck-nuts and a sticker of Calvin peeing on the words "Obama" on it. His hat, once forward, now reversed. Over half of his shirts no longer have sleeves. I don't think there is a way to stop him now. He's just too far gone.
I'm so sorry you have had to see all this, but I feel it is necessary to try and show Jer what will happen. Besides the obvious douche baggery that naturally comes along. Is this what you want, Jer? Does your wife want this? What about little giant Jer Jr? Instead doctors are going to be trying to remove your dead jaw and gums to make sure you don't die. Just take a look at your future, and what they remove.
Just kidding. That's a piece of octopus. Something you won't be able to eat and enjoy because your mouth will be gone. All that will be left will be a slot like an ATM. People will call you a freak or be trying to withdraw twenties from your face. Actually, you couldn't eat this anyways because you're a vegan. Or have you thrown those principles out the window, too? I think at this point we can only pray for Jer.
Lest he end up like this poor fuck.
*This post paid for by the United States Department of Health and the Get'r Dunn Foundation of "Hahaha Jer Did Dip and I Didn't"*