I think it is a safe assumption at this point to say the Kings are one of the better teams in the league. They are the only team that have actively made three consecutive conference finals, and also claimed a Stanley Cup in that span. There's been a lot of time and hard work poured into the team for each of these successful seasons, not to mention a lot of sacrifice. Numerous players were lost in this campaign, as they are every year, and we cannot overlook them.
A team always has some turnover, what with free agency, the salary cap that limits contracts, and the trades that occur during the course of the year. So these are the ones we have lost along the way. And hopefully this here shall make it so that we never forget them. They will be joining the honorable likes of Trent Hunter, Ethan Moreau, and Jack Johnson. You know. The heroes. Without further ado, I present our 2013-2014 Los Angeles Kings Memorial.
WHAT HE CONTRIBUTED: Penalty killing. A sense of being a top pairing defenseman. A Stanley Cup winning boarding penalty.
WHY HE LEFT: He’s old and was a free agent, which is a sure fire recipe to getting ridiculously over paid while not contributing nearly as much.
WHERE HE WENT: Back to the Pittsburgh Penguins where he was vastly overpaid. He didn’t contribute nearly as much, though now he is basically their replacement for Brooks Orpik since he is due to be an overpaid, older, stay at home defenseman.
WHAT HE CONTRIBUTED: Being a large left winger, a terribly inconsistent scorer, and not being Russian (sorry Frolov). Scoring that one goal against Phoenix in overtime in 2012, and that other buzzer beater against St. Louis in 2013. Being the butt of a lot of jokes with bloggers. Pancake awareness. Being a donkey for my fan-fiction story.
WHY HE LEFT: You had to be high to think Lombardi was going to give him a contract and then tell Darryl Sutter what he did.
WHERE HE WENT: Anaheim. To the Ducks. That fucking asshole. Now currently in Washington awaiting a contract that will probably come from San Jose as they desperately try to find a way to not be a dumpster fire in the postseason.
WHAT HE CONTRIBUTED: Depth and versatility. Aka, putting up with being a healthy scratch a good majority of the time. Also had to be ready to be thrown into the lineup whenever there was a minor injury or Darryl Sutter felt like benching Dustin Penner.
WHY HE LEFT: He never played and wanted a shot at being more of an impact player. This meant finding a team with shitty depth.
WHERE HE WENT: The Vancouver Canucks, of course! Where he did pretty good, which speaks a ton about how bad they are.
WHAT HE CONTRIBUTED: Sitting on the bench and looking fine. Wearing baseball hats with aplomb. Starting occasionally. Enraging Jewels from the Crown with his stats enough to make them hate Jonathan Quick. Also sorta kinda was traded for Marian Gaborik.
WHY HE LEFT: Dean Lombardi had pretty much no choice but to give Quick a contract given 2012. He’d have been crucified otherwise. So Bernier, the Kings’ goalie of the future, became the goalie of the not starting variety despite having starter ability. Obviously, was traded so the Kings could get something out of him.
WHERE HE WENT: The Toronto Maple Leafs (for Scrivens, Frattin, and a draft pick), where he contemplates killing himself every day. Stay strong, Jon.
WHAT HE CONTRIBUTED: A cool, pretentious nickname. Surprisingly good goaltending in Quick’s absence. Jonathan Quick trade rumors. A likable wife. Engaging twitter presence.
WHY HE LEFT: Quick ran another goalie out of town with name power alone. Martin Jones didn’t help. Became a starter after that trade, too.
WHERE HE WENT: Even worse than Bernier’s fate, to the Edmonton Oilers, where he has been barraged by the media and opposing teams’ offenses. The Kings got a draft pick.
WHAT HE CONTRIBUTED: High hopes. Missed chances. Empty potential. Healthy scratchiness. Marian Gaborik.
WHY HE LEFT: C’mon, let’s be real. You forgot who he was.
WHERE HE WENT: To a dog house in Columbus. I actually don’t know if he played a game. I could look it up, but it’s funnier to imagine him not playing at all. Meanwhile, the Kings used the acquired draft picks from the Bernier and Scrivens trades to convince the Blue Jackets that was all it really cost for Gaborik, the playoffs leading goal scorer.
Nicolas Deslauriers & Hudson Fasching, otherwise knows as "those prospects that got traded for Brayden McNabb"
WHAT THEY CONTRIBUTED: I think Deslauriers played defense, then moved to wing? Fasching had a fun name.
WHY THEY LEFT: Were exchanged for Brayden McNabb, thus adding to the Kings’ depth on defense. Plus, brought back the name "Brayden", helping the Kings reestablish themselves as the league leaders in players with frat boy names. However, now the name "Hudson" needs replacing.
WHERE THEY WENT: Dean Lombardi is really mean to the players he trades. They were sent to the Buffalo Sabres (God have mercy on their souls).
WHAT HE CONTRIBUTED: Being an oddly effective fourth line center on a Stanley Cup winning Kings team. Someone to pick on for liking Nickelback. Could also bleed from his eye, which looked cool.
WHY HE LEFT: Laughing about how he got traded for Ryan Smyth as an afterthought and then winning a Cup in L.A. got kind of old.
WHERE HE WENT: Well, he was shipped off to-oh, only to Manchester in the AHL. He’s actually still on the team currently? This is awkward.
WHAT HE CONTRIBUTED: Lice.
WHY HE LEFT: Dean Lombardi finally realized Carcillo was actually on the roster after he originally thought he had only a nightmare where he acquired him.
WHERE HE WENT: The eastern conference finalists New York Rangers, where he is currently serving a ten game suspension for hitting a ref. I fully expect the Rangers to make it to the finals, after going the full seven games against Montreal, then to have the finals go to game seven, then overtime of the final game, and Daniel Carcillo scores the game winner in his first game back.
WHAT HE CONTRIBUTED: Filtering more liquor than I ever thought possible.
WHY HE LEFT: After game six with Anaheim, I think I felt it slip out while I was using the bathroom between periods.
WHERE HE WENT: Put in a jar and given to Dwight King.
Prediction: I hastily add the Kings' season to this list in a panic after a game 4 loss.