I AM YOUR NEW MANAGING EDITOR.
Back in December 2012 when Mr. Megalodon Q. Pennyfeathers took full control of the blog away from the former Rudy Kelly/Earl Sleek regime, he provided the rest of us writers and readers with a list of blog laws that we all had to follow as members of the Battle of California community.
As Battle of California's new Managing Editor and your benevolent leader, I am here to free you from Megalodon's shackles, and his laws are all hereby repealed. Rejoice!
And so, here are the brand new, much more crushingly oppressive laws that you must follow under my new reign:
The former mandatory BoC soundtrack as declared by Megalodon (Entombed's "Year One Now") is herewith replaced by "What's Up" by 4 Non Blondes. You are required to listen to this song anytime you read a BoC article. However, you are allowed to turn it off when you read the comments section.
Whereas it was formerly required that you "like" Battle of California on Facebook, it is now only necessary to follow my personal account on Twitter. Failure to do so will result in an immediate ban from the blog. You are not required to follow the other writers, and in fact should probably just block them and report them for spam.
Sensing a severe lack of mindless sexism on this blog, I have hired Stace to take over the Sharks writing gig (as has been announced) so that we may question her right to be a fan and ridicule her abilities.
To prove that I am also looking to give back to you the readers, as a gesture of good will Kings4Lyfe is banned from the site effective immediately. You're welcome.
I was kidding about the sexism thing, you guys. Make fun of Stace because she's a horrible person in general, not because she's a lady.
I have submitted an SBNation request to turn our rec'd comments orange instead of green, because fuck you that's why.
Let's just stop talking about that time in my life where I had to try dip you guys.
We should all continue our talk of burritos. I'm not a monster.
Newegg.com's "GameCrate" gamer blog can now be considered a competitor and as such you are all required to register for accounts there and make fun of Meg's murse in the commnets whenever a new article is posted.
Laws are subject to change without notice and you are required to be aware of these changes and follow all laws at all times under penalty of having to actually write for Battle of California yourself. Nobody wants this.
You have been notified. Please take appropriate action to ensure that you remain in compliance.
Please remember to meet up for the mandatory end-of-the-month ice cream social.