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The People Vs. Butt Crunch

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I was court ordered to do a blog post as punishment for my most recent act of cyberbullying against one Mr./Mrs. Buttercrunch AKA SharkCircle AKA Butt Crunch

Giant Baby

[SCENE: Stace walks into local internet cafe. She smells a foul stench in the air that resembles a mixture of body odor, funyuns, dr. pepper, and expired cheese. It was her two pals, Jer and Dunn mouthbreathing behind her. Jer and Dunn are drunk]

Stace: Hey Guys, I have something really serious to talk to you about.

Jer: What's that, Stace?

Stace: Do either of you know what cyberbullying is?

Dunn: Yea I think so.

Jer: Tell me more, Stace. Please.

Stace: Cyberbullying is a big deal nowadays its affecting a lot of people in a bad way.

Dunn: How?

Stace: This is very upsetting news but almost 40% of all hockey bloggers on the internet have been cyberbullied.

Jer: Have either of you ever been cyberbullied?

Dunn: Sadly .. Yes. I'll tell you what happened.

Stace: Yes, Please Dunn.

[goes to a view of the stairs and Dunn on them]

Stace: Hey you Loser!

Dunn: Please leave me alone.

Stace: You have no friends, go home!

[Stace pushes Dunn down the stairs]

[goes to a view of Dunn butt-chugging vodka in a dumpster]

Jer: How many hockey bloggers get cyberbullied?

Stace: 88% of hockey bloggers that use social networking sites like twitter have seen people saying mean or hurtful things to other hockey bloggers.

Jer: Yeah I see that on twitter sometimes, but i don't really do anything about it.

Stace: That's what most people do. Only 36% of people that see people cyberbullying on twitter decide to say something about it.

Dunn: When I get cyberbullied, no one helps me, I have to stick up for myself.

Stace: Sadly, that's what most people have to do. I have a story about a boy/girl named Buttercrunch who wrote a really long winded post about the CIA because people cyberbullied him/her about his/her post about ice girls. A lot of people died of boredom because of that post. It was really scary.

Jer: We need to join together to put an end to cyberbullying! We can't lose anymore lives to terrible conspiracy theories on the internet.

Dunn: How?

Stace: Every time you see someone being cyberbullied, you stick up for them and help them!

Jer: What if they deserve it?

Stace: It depends, is it Surly and Scribe?

Jer: Well no, not this ti-

Stace: No one deserves to be cyberbullied, except for Surly and Scribe. Please stop any cyberbullying that you come across from now on, except if it is against Surly and Scribe.

Jer: Okay Stace I promise you I will.

Dunn: Same with me.

Stace: Thank you so much.

Stace, Jer, Dunn [in unison]: DON'T BE MEAN BEHIND THE SCREEN!


[star wipe]

[goes to a view of Stace sitting on a wooden stool in a Sears' photo studio]

[Stace takes drag from analog cigarette]

Stace: We lose millions of bloggers a year due to people who write really long winded posts about conspiracy theories. Please, call the number at the bottom of the post to help a blogger before it is too late. If you donate 18 cents a day, you could help stop predators from writing about conspiracies revolved around various topics like 9/11, the CIA, the moonlanding, the JFK assassination and many other things that make internet frequenters rip their own faces off. When you sign up, we will send you a t-shirt that has been mildly stained by a hot pocket and a picture of a blogger from their finished basement to thank you.

EDIT: Dunn's number was at the bottom of this post but he was afraid that his mom would get mad if he went over on minutes.