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Meet Our Readers, Part 2

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Here are some of the stupid things you said to us.

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WPA Pool

For Part 1 of our analysis of our of a reader survey conducted for the site, click here.

With demographic information out of the way, let's take a look at some of the comments you folks left us in the reader survey. You were able to send us notes related to three questions: "How did you find out about BoC," "What keeps you coming back," and "Anything you'd like us to change?"

Some of you used this opportunity to share insightful and constructive thoughts, which we promptly discarded and refuse to pay heed to. The rest of you used it to be smart-ass jerks, and below I will be sharing some of the more interesting examples.

As a breach of privacy, I've credited the authors of the comments if an SBNation username was provided.

How did you find out about BoC?

Earl Sleek's cartoons

- Numerous responders

This was one of the most common means of discovering us, which is unfortunate now that Earl has retired. No one will ever find us again.

I had a dream once where three demons impregnated me through my asshole; I tried to run away to Arizona but at the border the demons burst out of my stomach and started battling each other with hockey sticks. Then I noticed that the entire border of California was surrounded by hockey boards.

I immediately woke up at Googled "california hockey demons battle out of my butt" and it was the second result.

- SpreignedAnkle

James Mirtle whispered it in my ear once at an orgy.

- J.J. from Kansas

I was under the impression we were not allowed to talk about these SBNation orgies, but I guess I was wrong.

People told me to join this site and read the posts, and I lack the capacity for free will or independent thought.

- FiftyMissionCap

Looks like our street team is working!

A disgusting drug dealer with no teeth had the URL tattooed on his gross dick

- AndrewCieslak

clicked graphic link on Pornhub that promised a secret method of making my penis better. Brought me here. Very disappointing.

- BookoflooB

When the ground quaked open and the flames shot up from the depths of hell to announce BoC's arrival on SBNation, signaling that a millennia of darkness had descended upon the hockey blogosphere. Really caught my eye.

- J-Mill

Looking for fantasy hockey info on Jonathan Bernier a couple of years ago while he was still with the Kings. I thought that a site on the California hockey teams would help. I was wrong.

- JaysfanDL

Where do people keep getting the idea that this is a hockey site!?!

I searched "put snuff tobacco in my pussy" and it brought me to this site

- stace_ofbase

Saw the URL carved into a stall in a truck stop bathroom

- Mike Stromberg

Fear the Fin once described is as the hockey red light district of SBNation.

- Auth0r

An Ingress post actually.

- KingUnicorn

Video games have ruined another life.

While I was "resting" in the third-right stall in the bathrooms at Limerick bus station, I noticed a crude drawing of Dunn (the artist had given him both male and female sexual characteristics and some rather unfortunate tattoos). The words "Battle Of california" were scrawled underneath, in what looked like ketchup. This image haunted my mind for days, until I could bear it no longer and typed those three words into Alta Vista, little realising the unremitting horror that I was unleashing on myself.

- mightymikeD

This blog has the appeal of a train wreck and the smell of a garbage fire. Somehow, I keep coming back

- unknown

One afternoon I was roaming the rough streets of Victorville. I stopped into a seedy looking cantina to drink a couple beers (or cervezas, as the locals call them). Sadly all the TVs were tuned to either the Lakers game or soccer. I was bummed out because I wanted to watch the Ducks game, but deep down I knew nobody in Victorville would give a shit about hockey.

Turns out I was wrong. A drunk shirtless Mexican guy with a tattoo on his chest of Wild Wing crying a solitary tear came stumbling in and said to the bartender "Oye meng turn on mis Ducks! We're playing the focking Wings tonight." The bartender obliged and started serving him tequila, leading me to believe this patron was a regular.

I sat down next to this gentleman and told him it was nice to meet another Ducks fan out here. He was overjoyed to discover he wasn't the only Ducks fan in this God-forsaken zipcode and asked the bartender to bring us a few more shots of tequila. He introduced himself as Spade but refused to give me his Christian name.

During the course of our conversation, this Spade fellow asked me if I ever heard of something called Battle of California. I asked if that took place during the Mexican-American War and he called me a pendejo and said it was a website dedicated to the Californian NHL teams. Spade told me he was a writer for this site and I was skeptical at first because he seemed to have a tenuous grasp on the English language at best, but I gave him the benefit of the doubt - perhaps he was more articulate with the written word rather than the spoken word, or maybe the site would be in his native Spanglish.

My recollection of that night starts to get a little hazy after this point, but the next day I checked out BoC. Much like the white powder Spade introduced me to in the alley behind the cantina, it has become a crippling addiction I cannot kick.

- Shackleford

tl;dr

I typed in "burritos" + "low self-esteem" and then I was directed here.

- TnSD11

Jer, its always, only, and forever Jer

- 3DLink

Well, hello there...

BRING BACK MEGOLODON BRING BACK MEGOLODON BRING BACK MEGOLODON BRING BACK MEGOLODON BRING BACK MEGOLODON BRING BACK MEGOLODON BRING BACK MEGOLODON BRING BACK MEGOLODON BRING BACK MEGOLODON BRING BACK MEGOLODON BRING BACK MEGOLODON BRING BACK MEGOLODON BRING BACK MEGOLODON BRING BACK MEGOLODON

- unknown

What keeps you coming back?

I don't.

- Megalodon

It's a hockey site that doesn't suck!

- unknown

Again with this "hockey site" shit.

Hilarious jokes with some legitimate hockey analysis. I like how fun it is here. It provides me with something I don't get from Fear the Fin, which is fun, but they have about a 75/25 knowledge to fun ratio. You guys are the opposite.

- unknown

Battle of California: Now 25% Knowledgeable!

Talk of killing Dunn.

- unknown

Too lazy to find other silly, irreverent bullshit hockey based websites that focus on the California teams.

- chris atc

California jingoism

- PDOfrock

Keep hoping someone's going to post porn

- rudykelly

Dunn's fanfic and homelessness, Jer's dip addiction and anus jerseys. Stace is new so I don't have anything there except I guess she's been pretty upfront about when she's on the monthly so I mean, we all know where we stand.

- kid ish

I'm mentally ill. Just kidding Stace rules.

- AndrewCieslak

Actually, that second statement lends more credence to the first statement.

I have nothing else to do besides providing lackluster material for this site

- Get'rDunn

I'm an asshole and like to be with my people

- Evilducks

People here are only ridiculously obnoxious on purpose

- slotownsharksfan

I accidentally marked it as a favorite blog somehow and now SB Nation notifies me when new articles are posted. I visit just so the red number at the top doesn't get too large.

- Old Kentucky Shark

Self-loathing, mostly.

- J-Mill

I liked you so much, I added your RSS feed! (I'm ancient and my tools are primitive.) So every one of your special special posts is delivered right to my doorstep.

- daisy saunders

I too am a dinosaur that still uses an RSS agregator! With the magnitude of sites I visit all of the damn time, I don't understand how anyone would keep track of all of this shit without RSS. Kids these days.

Jer yells at me to write everyday

- stace_ofbase

The more you write, the less I have to.

The articles and comments regularly feature a higher class of internet intellegentsia. Also, dick jokes.

- bezzerkker

I come to learn about the reasons why Dustin Brown should die.

- BruinDanny

Sometimes I get frustrated and feel like I'm the worst blog writer in the world. Then I come here and cheer myself up.

- mightymikeD

The smoky garbage smell most likely

- unknown

Well what kept me coming back was megaladon but since he left I'm not sure why I come back

- unknown

Boredom and depression. This is the only place I can see the work of people more pathetic than myself, it kind of almost cheers me up.

- unknown

Stockholm syndrome.

- SLO_Geo

Well, it used to be Chen, then he left. Then it was Spade and Earl, and then they left. And then it was Meg, and well, he's gone too. I'm still getting used to Jer and Dunn, but Stace's antagonizing of anything and everything will probably keep me here for hours/days/weeks/months/years to come.

- RedOscar

Don't worry - just like his herpes, Spade isn't leaving anytime soon.

BRING BACK MEGOLODON BRING BACK MEGOLODON BRING BACK MEGOLODONBRING BACK MEGOLODONBRING BACK MEGOLODONBRING BACK MEGOLODON BRING BACK MEGOLODON BRING BACK MEGOLODON BRING BACK MEGOLODON BRING BACK MEGOLODON BRING BACK MEGOLODON

- unknown

Anything you'd like us to change?

The most common response was to bring back Megalodon (or Earl, or Rudy). The second most common was to get rid of Dunn, Stace, or me. There might be a relation.

Global warming.

- Megalodon

Jer should get more recs

- Jared Dobias

The smell. It stinks like dead fish in here.

- Jen LC

A surprising amount of comments about the odors around here. We might have to increase the frequency of Dunn's hosings.

Dip more. Y'all need more Kodiak in your lips.

- mikeFAIL

It was Skoal, thank you very much.

upping our fuck count...

- PDOfrock

No, fuck you.

Stace should stop being so mean, Jer should lose weight, and if Dunn could change his whole face/lifestyle I'd appreciate it

- rudykelly

Lose weight?! But I'm 6'4" and only 220lbs! If I lose weight... fine. Starting this coming week, I'm going to start doing the P90 Beach Body 90-day workout. But not P90x, because the "x" stands for EXTREME and that sounds dangerous. I'll keep you guys posted.

I honestly don't know who writes for which team. I think Jer = Sharks, Stance = Kings, Dunn = Ducks.

- unknown

Nailed it.

James Mirtle's current Methamphetamine recipe. Cutting his product with Windex does not make it "Albuquerque Blue."

- DodgerBlueballs

To be honest, it does seem like a blog of this size on this platform that covers three teams should have more writers. You guys do a great job, but you can only do so much in one day, especially during the season. It's hard to balance writing with your HAHAHAHAHA like any of you have jobs or loved ones to go see. Comment withdrawn.

- BookoflooB

Bringing Meg back once in a while, since he's probably days away from being fired from his new site. Also, bring back more Sleek drawings. Basically, change everything happening now & make it like it used to be back when it was better and I was younger and had my pitiful future still ahead of me.

- J-Mill

Maybe I didn't pay that close attention last season but it seemed that things like stats were irrelevant on the site but rather who could insult each other the best (worst?).

- Niekon

Shut the fuck up, you human garbage.

Jer.

- meetyourmako

Bring back Meg and the toons. Seriously, without those this is basically a bad subreddit.

- unknown

I'd rather read a bad subreddit than put any actual work in to this dumb blog.

Tell us where you stand on six Californias.

- Auth0r

previously addressed this insane idea, and we here at BoC stand firmly against any attempt to divide the greatest state this world has ever seen. We are okay if barstow decides to quietly leave, however.

The Kings just won AGAIN. Stop whatever you're doing. Stop it right now.

- unknown

Taco Tuesday.

- unknown

Stop flirting with Poe's law.

- unknown

See if Meg, Earl, and Rudy'll do old timer's (or worse writers) weekend wheeze posts where they complain about how things used to be.

- meatb4ll

BRING BACK MEGOLODON BRING BACK MEGOLODON BRING BACK MEGOLODON BRING BACK MEGOLODON BRING BACK MEGOLODON BRING BACK MEGOLODON BRING BACK MEGOLODON BRING BACK MEGOLODON BRING BACK MEGOLODON BRING BACK MEGOLODON BRING BACK MEGOLODON BRING BACK MEGOLODON

- unknown

Conclusion

You, the people, have spoken! And going forward, you shall be ignored.

Thanks for wasting everyone's time with your inane bullshit.