Sharks' Captains Needed: The Applicants

[View the craigslist ad here]

If you recall last week I placed an ad on Craigslist to help the San Jose Sharks find some new captains. Many people had no idea who did the ad because people kept extracting the craigslist link from my post and only linking that. Thanks for not allowing me to get my praise for being brilliant, dickheads. Anyway, I got a lot of responses (that were incredibly stupid) but let's take a look at the most qualified candidates.

Applicant #1

Applicant #2

Applicant #3

Applicant #4

Applicant #5

Applicant #6

As you can see, there are many "qualified" applicants for Sharks' captaincy. There are probably more people who are qualified but chose to use their time at work more wisely than to send me emails pretending to be Sharks players. The poor use of one's time is also an intriguing attribute because the Sharks tend to waste my time in the postseason.

I'm going to leave it up to you, faithful BoC readers, to choose who gets to be the Sharks captain! Whoever gets 2nd and 3rd place will be the alternate captains. At this point, I don't know why I bother because I assume that everyone will vote for the two John Scott applicants, but since we believe in democracy here at BoC, we will vote anyway. Voting will end whenever I want it to end, and if you feel like you're better than these people, email me with your qualifications at staceofbasee at gmail and maybe I will pick you because our definition of democracy is a little bit different than most. Happy voting!